Poet By Night

AEDM: Day Twenty-Two!

2011-11-22T11:29:00.001-08:00

It's been twenty-two days since this adventure began and I've made something new for each on of those days. But, tonight, I head off out-of-state for the Thanksgiving Holiday and will not have access to the internet. So, while I'll keep creating, I won't be able to post until I get back.

Until then, here's today's card.

I wanted to experiment with imprinting designs in thick gesso. So, I layered the card and then let it dry a big before I pressed circles into it. I decided to highlight the texture with a simple coat of iridescent lime green paint, trimmed the card in dark brown, and added an embellishment with the word "Imagine" on it.

It's a reminder to me of all the wonderful art I've seen this month, all coming from imaginative minds like yours!

Happy Creating!

AEDM: Day Twenty-One!

2011-11-21T09:53:00.001-08:00

As I was going to paint over this playing card, I noticed the little smiling face of the Joker and decided that I liked it and wanted to incorporate him as the main figure in the design.

With that, I added multiple layers of black and shimmery blue/green paint, and then sanded down the layers in various degrees all over the card.

Lastly, I added the word “play,” trimmed the card in black to frame the image, and called it a day.

I liked how it turned out!

Happy Creating!

AEDM: Day Twenty

2011-11-20T19:07:00.001-08:00

Where yesterday's card was more sophisticated, today's card is the complete opposite.

I gave myself the challenge of creating, from start to finish, in 10 minutes.

Normally I go back and forth on design and debate things, but not today.

I painted the card white to start with a literal blank canvas. Grabbed the first embellishments I saw in my art closet which were these flower stickers and added black paint.

Lastly, I wrote the word "free" because that's how I felt--Complete freedom from judgment, like a child creating a masterpiece with crayons.

Happy Creating!

AEDM: Day Nineteen

2011-11-19T18:36:00.001-08:00

Today was a long day for me, and the last thing I wanted to do was something creative.

So, I did an ATC that was fairly easy, but I'm pleased with it.

I painted the card black, add an image of Notre Dame, and then sanded it down to make it feel more like a treasured memento.

I added silver embellishments and the word "I" in French.

Simple, but elegant.

I've never been to France, but I can dream...

Happy Creating!

The Artist's Way: Week Seven, Post Three

2011-11-18T15:02:00.001-08:00

A lot of the exercises for Week Seven are what I’d call “self-care” exercises.

Here are a few examples to see what I mean:

1) create a wonderful smell in your home (through candles, cooking, etc.)

2) wear your favorite item of clothing for no special occasion

3) buy a pair of wonderful socks or gloves

It’s been nice to consciously make myself feel special!

But, there was one exercise that really hit me in the heart, and that’s what I want to talk about.

It’s called the Jealousy Map Exercise.

What you do is take a piece of paper and make three vertical columns. At the top of the first column you write “WHO”, the second “WHY”, and the third “ACTION ANTIDOTE”

Here’s an example that Julia gives:

WHO WHY ACTION ANTIDOTE

Anne Sexton Famous Poet Publish my long-hoarded poems

So, I went ahead and made my list. And though I’ve been fairly transparent through this whole process (and have shared a few embarrassing/soul bearing things), I just can’t share my list.

It wasn’t very long; only five people on it. But, it was very exposing, and it made me realize how petty I can be and how afraid I live my life in some areas.

I have to say, the Artist’s Way has taught me more about myself than anything else I have ever done. EVER! Some things have been very painful and have shown me parts of myself that I wish I didn’t have.

But, you can’t change what you can’t accept about yourself, and you can’t accept what you can’t see.

So, you have to bring out all the nitty gritty and hold it up to the light!

This has been another week doing just that.

UP NEXT: Artist’s Date!

AEDM: Day Eighteen!

2011-11-18T08:47:00.001-08:00

So, for yesterday’s card I had printed out a page of my NaNoWriMo novel to use as part of the basket weave. And I decided for today’s card to use some more of that text.

First, I painted the playing card a deep midnight blue. Then I cut out ovals from my novel page. I wasn’t sure if I was going to use them as heads and paint faces on them, or just as organic shapes, but in the end I decided to make them into flowers.

I attached them, added paint for the stems and yellow ascent, and then used a Sharpie to give them definition. Lastly, I “tied” them all together with a bow and Modge Podge’d the whole thing.

I think it turned out lovely!

It’s been such a challenge for me to come up with a new and different design each day. Some days are better than others, but I’m hanging in there.

I hope you are, too! Happy creating!!

The Artist's Way: Week Seven, Post Two

2011-11-17T15:31:00.001-08:00

Hi, my name is Liz, and I am a perfectionist.

I have always been a perfectionist.

In fact, if I feel that I can’t do something perfectly, I will not try it (or I will pretend I don’t care enough to try it).

I have always known that perfectionism was one of my flaws, but I thought it was a noble one. After all, why do something if you can’t do it well?

Here’s what Julia has to say about it:

“Perfectionism is a refusal to let yourself move ahead” (p. 119).

“For the perfectionist, there are no first drafts, rough sketches, warm-up exercises. Every draft is meant to be final, perfect, set in stone” (p. 120).

Now, here’s the clincher:

“To the perfectionist, there is always room for improvement. The perfectionist calls this humility. In reality, it is egotism. It is pride that makes us want to write a perfect script, paint a perfect painting, perform a perfect audition monologue.

Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It is a pursuit of the worst in ourselves, the part that tells us that nothing we do will ever be good enough—that we should try again.

No. We should not” (p. 120).

Perfectionism = Pride

Wow, right? This blew my mind!

I’ve been struggling with my perfectionism all month. Between the Art Every Day challenge and NaNoWriMo, I’ve had to face my fear of imperfection head on, and with occasional tears.

Some of the stuff I’ve written in my novel is horrible!

Some of the ATC’s I’ve created are, well, ugly/plain/weird!

But, I’ve kept at it. I’ve posted the picture no matter how I felt about the ATC. And I’ve kept every stupid, boring, and trite word I’ve written.

Is perfectionism behind me? Hardly. But, this month, I’ve been able to push it a little farther away from me. And that’s a start.

Now, two questions for you: Is perfectionism blocking the way to your creativity? And if so, will you let it go?

UP NEXT: Week Seven Exercises and why one made me cry…

AEDM: Day Seventeen!

2011-11-17T09:03:00.001-08:00

For today’s card I decided to see what I could create using paper.

I started by gathering some scraps of colored paper and chose the color combination (after the last card being more monochromatic, I decided to go big on color).

I also printed out some text from my current NaNoWriMo novel and incorporated it.

I cut strips, and wove them together. I liked it, but I felt that it needed something more, so a made an origami lotus flower, attached it and then added Modge Podge to make it shiny.

Lastly, I used a little black paint to write the word "love" and to cover the unfinished edges.

I really like how it turned out!

Happy Creating!

The Artist's Way: Week Seven, Post One

2011-11-16T09:55:00.001-08:00

This week is about “Recovering a Sense of Connection” and it has various layers of meaning (as does every chapter).

Julia talks about connecting to the Creator, to ourselves, and to others. And each connection requires a slightly different skill set.

Today, I want to highlight what she says about connecting to God/Creator, and, connecting to others.

First, God.

According to Julia, the key to connecting to our Creator, and therefore, creativity, is simply to listen. We are being spoken to, guided and directed constantly. But, usually, we’re too busy and keep our environment too loud, to hear anything. In a very real way, we avoid listening. (Think of how much silence you had today. 30 minutes? 10 minutes? 5 minutes?)

And if we listen, we realize that as artists we shouldn’t be trying to “think something up” but “get something down.” We are really the conduit for creativity, not the source. And if we really understand this, it’s a freeing and less stressful way to create!

Here’s an analogy that Julia uses that I love:

“Art is the act of tuning in and dropping down the well. It is as though all the stories, painting, music, performances in the world live just under the surface of our normal consciousness. Like an underground river, they flow through us as a stream of ideas that we can tap down into. As artists, we drop down the well into the stream. We hear what’s down there and we act on it—more like taking dictation than anything fancy having to do with art” (p. 118).

Think about this for a moment. It’s a powerful idea that all we have to do is take the time to listen, then drop our buckets down into the creative stream, bring up what we gather, and share it with the world. (Nothing says it has to be a perfect offering, just an offering. But, perfection is the topic for tomorrow.)

However, there is something that can stand in the way with the gathering and sharing, and that leads to the second type of connection I wanted to talk about: connecting with others.

The one thing that Julia discusses this week that can get in the way of connecting with others is jealousy.

Are you jealous of anyone? Come on, be honest. Because identifying where you are jealous is the key to your freedom!

“Jealousy is a map” (p. 123). It lets us know what we really want. For example, if I’m jealous of my sister because she has really great hair, what does that mean? It means I want great hair! See what I mean? Jealousy is a guide to show you your heart’s desire. And this can be a frightening, yet freeing thing if you can identify it and then let it go.

“Jealousy is always a mask for fear: fear that we aren’t able to get what we want; frustration that somebody else seems to be getting what is rightfully ours even if we are too frightened to reach for it” (p. 124). If I’m jealous of a friend because she has written a novel, this tells me what I really want (i.e. write a novel) and it shows me what I’ve been afraid to do (i.e. write a novel).

Julia continues with this powerful understanding, “At its root, jealousy is a stingy emotion. It doesn’t allow for the abundance and multiplicity of the universe. Jealousy tells us there is room for only one—one poet, one painter, one whatever you dream of being” (p. 124, emphasis added).

Wow, right?

On a personal note, this is a very timely chapter for me.

I’ve been dealing with jealousy as I have gotten farther and farther behind on my NaNoWriMo novel, and as I’ve been visiting other artists who are participating in the Art Every Day challenge and are creating art that is breathtakingly beautiful.

But, I have to remind myself that like on NaNo, where there is no limit to how many people can cross the 50,000 word finish line, and on AEDM , where there is no rule that what I paint has to be better than everyone else’s, the same can be said for every creative endeavor.

There really are no winners and losers. There are only those who listen and create, or those who watch and criticize.

There can be thousands of poets, thousands of painters, thousands of novelists, thousands of photographers, thousands of actors, thousands of playwrights, thousands and thousands and thousands of creative souls.

And you are one of them!

AEDM: Day Sixteen!

2011-11-16T08:10:00.001-08:00

I decided to do a little experimentation with today’s card as well.

I really wanted to focus on texture, so I pulled out my super old coagulated gesso that I was going to toss, but decided to keep (just in case).

It has almost solidified, but was still smear-able.

I gooped some on a playing card and let it dry.

Then I got the card wet, and added four different shades of yellow paint.

I really liked how the paint settled in all the nooks and crannies. See:

This picture doesn't do it justice!

So, because I didn’t want to cover up all the texture, I only added one embellishment, trimmed it in a coordinating brown, and called it a day.

Simple, but beautiful.

Have a creative day!

AEDM: Day Fifteen!

2011-11-15T11:15:00.001-08:00

Today’s card was an experiment.

For months, I have been ruminating on a larger art piece (on canvas, 48” by 24”) that would consist of three-dimensional interlocking circles which I would paint on, around, and between.

But, I’ve consistently put it off because I wasn’t sure how to go about it and didn’t want to get halfway through it and then find myself stuck.

So, I decided to use today’s ATC as a mini dry run. And, boy, am I glad I did!

Do you know how hard it is to cut and reassemble circles?

Answer: HARD! I had no idea, how hard. I almost lost my mind!!

And, do you know how hard it is to keep paper circles symmetrical when reassembling them?

Answer: Next to impossible!

I tried again and again and again to keep them perfectly round, and failed.

What a valuable lesson!

If I do attempt to do this on a larger scale (which I’m reconsidering) I will not be using cardboard to make my circles. I’ll have to use a firmer material that is almost unbendable. And I wouldn’t have known that without trying it on this little ATC.

So, thank you ATC!

AEDM: Day Fourteen!

2011-11-14T11:07:00.001-08:00

I started with a weathered handwritten background on cream paper.

I added a rich red ribbon all around it. Then I cut out three butterflies and added those.

I love the 3-D aspect of the card, and overall, it reminds me of a Victorian butterfly collection (even though I'm not a big fan of pinning actual butterflies to a board).

I'm really liking the cream and red color combo and I think I'm going to experiment some more with it!

AEDM: Day Thirteen!

2011-11-13T17:39:00.001-08:00

Today, I decided to stick with three colors: yellow ochre, turquoise, and brown.

I started by painting the card turquoise. Then applying a crackle paint in yellow ochre.

I added the central image (which reminds me of a mandala) and words, then edged the card in brown.

I really like this one! It feels very peaceful and antique to me.

AEDM: Day Twelve!

2011-11-12T19:33:00.001-08:00

In a complete departure from yesterday's ATC which was whimsical and colorful, in today's ATC I stuck with a more monotone color scheme of black, white, and grey. The only additional color is the gold trim around the cameo.

I started with newspaper and circled words I liked and blacked-out words I didn't.

Then I used white paint for the diagonal lines, trimmed the card with black paint, and added the word "SOON."

It's very different from anything else I've made and I like the simplicity of it.

I love the feel of this card in my hands. Very tactile!

AEDM: Day Eleven!

2011-11-11T22:10:00.001-08:00

You know, it's amazing how long being creative takes.

If you look at this piece, you would think it took all of 15 minutes to slap on some images, add a little paint, something sparkly and call it a day.

But, it wasn't so simple. I first started with the background. Then I started pulling images that seemed to match the color scheme.

But, when I found the lady's face, it seemed to float out of place, so then I decided to anchor it with a crown, wings and a make-shift body.

I added paint to her face, painted her dress and added the word "fly", then trimmed the whole card in dark brown paint.

It ended up taking me about an hour from start to finish. No wonder my paintings take weeks!

I'm a slow artist.

Oh well, we use what we got, right?

I'm flying with inspiration fairy dust!

AEDM: Day Ten!

2011-11-10T20:05:00.001-08:00

Boy, after an long and exhausting day at work, I totally did not want to be creative!

But, despite that, I pressed forward, sat down and made something.

I started with striped paper. Then used an empty toilet paper roll and white paint to make the circles.

I had two decorative stamps that I added some paint to, and then embellished with a silver sticker and a fabric flower.

I like it! Simple, colorful, graphic.

And now, a brief letter to the inspiration fairies:

Dear Inspiration Fairies,

Please don't abandon me! I'm struggling to come up with new ideas, and I need your help. I think you are really awesome, and I promise to heed your advice. Just whisper it in my ear. I'm listening...

Yours,
Liz

AEDM: Day Nine!

2011-11-09T16:42:00.000-08:00

Well, I waited for inspiration to strike and got bupkis.

But, I decided to press forward and just put one image on top of another.

Music background paper + flowers + bird painted with shimmery paint + bronze "Journey" = Art?

The bird was a black and white print that I colored in.

Maybe tomorrow something a little more interesting...

AEDM: Day Eight!

2011-11-08T10:11:00.000-08:00

Today’s ATC is simple.

I started with an embossed background.

Added an image of an old building (which seems familiar, but I can’t place it).

Then, added a flower that I painted with shimmery paint. (You can’t see it in the picture, but trust me, shimmery!)

Finally, some silver letters that say “Yes”.

I edged the whole thing with black paint, and called it a day.

Full confession, I believe I’m running out of creativity. Seriously. The well is almost dry, folks.

It’s only day 8, and I feel like I’ve used up all my artistic resources. (Between this challenge and NaNoWriMo, that is.)

Here’s hoping the inspiration fairies kick in soon.

I begged them to join me in my Morning Pages today…

If any visit you, please send them my way!

AEDM: Day Seven!

2011-11-07T20:12:00.000-08:00

For this one, I went for something a little more old timey.

I started with a paper with handwriting on it, and an overlaid image of a woman.

I painted the woman's clothes with two shimmery paints (and add a little pink to her cheeks). In the top left corner I added an egg on acetate, and in the bottom corner, buttons.

Lastly, I added a puffy sticker with the word "Memories," a pearl to her dress, and flowers to her hair.

As I was creating this, I couldn't help but wonder who she was and what her life was like. I hope she had a happy one!

What do you think her name was? I'm going with "Betty"!

AEDM: Day Six!

2011-11-06T15:00:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I gave the Asian theme another go and I like this one better.

I started with tissue paper that had an Asian design. Then I added a light orangy/red paint in a rectangle (you can't really see it). And then I applied a gold leaf square.

Once that dried, I dabble again with painting with silver leaf--this time a dragon. I think it turned out pretty good for my first dragon (though his back foot is a little stumpy).

Overall, not that bad!

In the picture, you can't really see the Asian tissue paper design. It's an elephant.

AEDM: Day Five!

2011-11-05T21:55:00.000-07:00

So, full confession, I'm not a fan of this ATC.

I really struggled with it and was almost not going to post it at all.

But, I had promised myself that I would create something from start to finish every day this month.

They all can't be winners, right?

I decided to take an Asian theme with this one. I started with gold paper, and then painted a Samuri-esque man on it with silver leaf paint. (It was my first time using that kind of paint.) I added a Chinese sticker I had, wrote a Haiku* poem on it, trimmed it with black paint, and then splattered it with red paint.

Again, not my favorite. But a good learning experience! I think I might give this another go tomorrow and see if I like it better.

* If you can't read the poem, it says:

I swim through lotus

waters slip against my skin

nestled in, I shine

The Artist's Way: Week Six, Post Four

2011-11-05T21:46:00.000-07:00

Like the past five weeks, here’s my weekly check-in.

1) I did the morning pages 5 days this week. I think they’ve become much morefocused. In earlier weeks, I’d justramble on about anything that popped into my head. But, lately, I’ve written about specificthings: my NaNoWriMo novel, my AEDM ATC’s, my fear of being a creative failure,my concepts of God, etc. It’s been aninteresting evolution. Now that I’m halfway through the program, I’m looking forward to seeing what I’ll be writingduring week 12.

2) Artist’s Date: This was my stay-in artist’s date, and Iwas able to travel around the world! Idecided to spend an hour going to some of my favorite creative blogs and seeing whateveryone is up to.

Here’s a list of justa few of them, so you can experience it for yourself:

Isn’t it amazing? Somany creative people around the world. It makes me feel hopeful and that things won’t ever get as bad as somethink, because there is so much beauty being birthed every day through so manydifferent avenues! Maybe I’m just being a romantic, but that’s how it makes me feel!

What do you think?

3) This week, I consciously looked for synchronicity andnothing happened (at least, nothing I was aware of). Maybe next week?

4) No issues. Am Isupposed to be having some? Does thatmean I’m doing something wrong? Who knows? Oh, well.

And now, here’s the next stage in my Artist’s Way painting.

I have no idea where to go from here...

UP NEXT: Week Seven!

AEDM: Day Four!

2011-11-04T09:50:00.000-07:00

I didn't have a lot of time today to work on this, so I thought I'd keep it simple, but romantic.

I used a textured background, gold paint, a couple of paper pictures, and fabric flowers.

For only having 20 minutes, I'm please with how it turned out!

The butterfly is 3-D!

Have fun creating!

The Artist's Way: Week Six, Post Three

2011-11-04T09:38:00.000-07:00

As you know this week was about money and abundance, so most of the exercises focused on that topic.

I thought for this week’s exercises, I’d just show you one EXACTLY the way I completed it (instead of a summary). It was eye-opening (aren’t they all) and I hope you won’t judge me too harshly by my answers. Just being honest here, folks.

Money Madness, An Exercise

Complete the following phrases.

1. People with money are lucky.

2. Money makes people free.

3. I’d have more money if I wrote a successful novel.

4. My dad thought money was something you worked hard for.

5. My mom always thought money would solve our problems.

6. In my family, money caused stress.

7. Money equals power.

8. If I had money, I’d travel around the world.

9. If I could afford it, I’d buy a house.

10. If I had some money, I’d pay off my student loans.

11. I’m afraid that if I had money I would lose it.

12. Money is awesome!

13. Money causes worry.

14. Having money is not the most important thing in life.

15. In order to have more money, I’d need to find another source of income.

16. When I have money, I usually save some and spend some.

17. I think money is a gift.

18. If I weren’t so cheap I’d book a First Class flight to England.

19. People think money is the way to happiness.

20. Being broke tells me that I need to work harder.

Reviewing my answers, I feel I'm a little schizo when it comes to money.

How would you complete these statements?

Oh, and before you go, I wanted to mention another exercise I did that might include YOU (if I know where you live)!

Exercise 5: Send postcards to five friends! You might have been one of them, so keep an eye out in the mail!

UP NEXT: Artist’s Date! (Simple, but rewarding—and something you can do, too, from where you are RIGHT NOW!)

AEDM: Day Three!

2011-11-03T11:44:00.000-07:00

For today's ATC, I decided I wanted to go more graphic and with clean colors: Red, White, and Black.

No shading or fuzziness. Just bold colors.

I used embossed paper for the background card, and embellished with paper images, paint, a jewel, and ribbon.

I like the way it turned out! (It feels a little Art Deco to me.)

Can you tell I like France?

Have fun creating!

The Artist's Way: Week Six, Post Two

2011-11-03T11:33:00.000-07:00

“For those of us who have become artistically anorectic—yearning to be creative and refusing to feed that hunger in ourselves so that we become more and more focus on our deprivation—a little authentic luxury can go a long way” (p. 108).

When I read this sentence, I had a few memories pop into my head: me, reading a book about living a literary life; me, buying art supplies for an online class I never attended; me, getting out my guitar to work on a new song, but only trying the first chord.

Memory after memory of ways I artistically stopped, and then starved myself. It’s like going to a bakery, hungry, and just standing outside, staring into the window.

Do you know what I’m talking about?

Julia goes on to talk about how luxury helps with this anorexic behavior: “Because art is born in expansion, in a belief in sufficient supply, it is critical that we pamper ourselves for the sense of abundance it brings to us” (p. 108).

Now, she’s not talking about a $1000 spa treatment (though, if you could afford that, go ahead!). She’s talking about little things that make you feel special. Some examples she gave were new clothes, flowers, and a magazine subscription. Small gifts that make a person feel pampered.

This got me thinking about myself (surprise, surprise).

Frankly, I feel like this whole Artist’s Way journey has been a way I’ve pampered myself. I’ve loved taking the time out of my week to go on an Artist’s Date.

But, I thought that maybe I could do something else specifically for the purpose of luxury. So, I made a list of things I love or would love to do. Most of the things on my list were far-fetched (like living in Ireland) or incredibly expensive (like, living in Ireland). But, I did find a theme, and that was: travel!

Now, I don’t know about you, but my travel budget is limited. That didn’t stop me from planting the travel seed of luxury though!

I decided to order a yearly subscription to the National Geographic Traveler magazine for $10! And I think that’s a pretty great deal: 10 bucks for a year of luxury!

So, what about you? How could you give your artist-self a little luxury?

UP NEXT: Week Six exercises! Thank you, Mr. Postman!

AEDM: Day Two

2011-11-02T11:19:00.000-07:00

I decided to shift color palettes completely on this next ATC, and I like the different feel I get from it.

Isn’t it amazing how the change in colors can totally alter the vibe you get from an art piece? Amazing!

To create this, I used paper, Sharpie, black Ink, Acetate film, and sparkly stars!

Will you meet me in Paris?

I'm excited to see what I create tomorrow, and to be inspired by my fellow AEDM travellers!

The Artist's Way: Week Six, Post One

2011-11-02T11:08:00.000-07:00

Week Six is about “recovering a sense of abundance” and Julia starts this chapter by talking about God and money.

To be honest, I’ve never really thought about God and money, except for the law of tithing. And it never occurred to me to think of it in terms of abundance (probably because I have very limited experience with financial abundance in my life).

I completely identified with this: “Maybe God would feed and clothe us, in a pinch, but painting supplies? A museum tour of Europe, dance classes? God’s not about to spring for those, we tell ourselves” (p. 106).

This is exactly how I see things.

Julia continues, “Most of us harbor a secret belief that work has to be work and not play, and that anything we really want to do—like write, act, dance—must be considered frivolous and be placed a distant second” (p. 106).

Yep, and yep. Exactly what I believe.

And then I read something that really shifted the way I view God. Seriously.

“On the one hand, we give lip service to the notion that God wants us to be happy, joyous, and free. On the other, we secretly think that God wants us to be broke if we are going to be so decadent as to want to be artists. Do we have any proof at all for these ideas about God? Looking at god’s creation, it is pretty clear that the creator itself did not know when to stop. There is not one pink flower, or even fifty pink flowers, but hundreds. Snowflakes, of course, are the ultimate exercise in sheer creative glee. No two alike. This creator looks suspiciously like someone who just might send us support for our creative ventures” (pgs. 106-107, emphasis added).

Wow, right?

So, let me ask you, if you could do anything creative, and I mean ANYTHING, and knew you would have the full support and assistance from God, what would you do?

It’s an exciting thought, isn’t it?

UP NEXT: Luxury, and how we need more of it!

Art Every Day Month: Day One

2011-11-01T11:52:00.000-07:00

I know this is only the first day, way to soon to predict how this challenge is going to turn out for me, but I have to say, I'm having a blast!

It was fun to just spread out a bunch of stuff in the same color palette and see what happened!

On this ATC is used paper, paint, thread, dried flowers, and an acrylic gem.

The only thing I added after this picture was taken was a little rouge to her cheeks!

November: A Month of Creativity and Possible Nervous Breakdown

2011-10-31T15:09:00.000-07:00

NaNoWriMo begins tomorrow (see Sidebar), and I am feeling a mixture of excitement and apprehension. I’ve done it before, so I know that it’s possible, but it’s still hard.

It’s hard on my imagination. (Coming up with scene after scene is a lot to ask a brain, especially one as lazy as mine.)

It’s hard on my time. (Now, all free time will be spent on writing (which reminds me of homework) (which makes me sad.))

It’s hard on my sensitive creative heart. (Nothing challenges the vision of yourself as a creative person like writing 50,000 words and realizing you’re a talentless hack—at least according to your inner critic.)

But, I’m doing it anyway!

And I’ll keep you posted with a weekly word count, which you can see on my handy dandy sidebar. That way, you can help hold me accountable. (Especially during week two, when I’ll want to pretend like I never had the idea to participate, and have no idea what you’re talking about.)

The good thing is that I’m actually excited about my book idea.

I’ve done a lot (and I mean A LOT) on my character development and plot. So, I know where I want to end up and how I want my main protagonist to transform. I don’t have it all figured out (as in scene by scene), but I’ve done more prep-work for this than any other thing I have ever attempted to write.

I won’t be posting excerpts because that would just freak me out and probably paralyze me. But, I may write about specific aspects of my characters. I’m starting to like them, and hear them speak to me. (Not in a creepy “I hear voices” kind of way, but in a writer-ly “I’ve developed three-dimensional characters and they’re taking on a life of their own” kind of way.)

Please send me a creative well-wishing thought every now and again. I could use the support!

Now, as if NaNoWriMo wasn’t enough, you’ll also recall that I’m doing the ArtEveryDay challenge (See Sidebar).

This is also making me incredibly nervous. I don’t feel as prepared, (mostly because I don’t like to pre-plan my artwork), and I still have to find a few more supplies, but I diving in anyway.

For this challenge, I WILL be posting every night in November, so, you’ll be able to see what I created.

Because I’m also doing NaNo, I decided that I would make a small piece of art each day, and that it would be an ATC (Artist Trading Cards).

I’ve done them in the past and have had a blast. I think they’ll be the right size to provide me with a challenge, and yet, not overwhelm me like something on canvas would (especially since I’m still working on my Artist’s Way painting and another project).

If you’d like to make an ATC, and then trade it with me, let me know! They can be made on actual playing cards, or anything that is playing-card sized (like fabric, wood, metal, etc.).

So, for November, this blog may have a multiple posts a day (since I’m still posting on The Artist’s Way).

And then I expect that in December, (after my nervous breakdown), it might take a brief hiatus to pick myself up off the floor.

It’s going to be a wild ride!

I hope you’ll join me!

The Artist's Way: Week Five, Post Four

2011-10-25T21:21:00.000-07:00

First, let me do the weekly check-in…

1) So, I only did Morning Pages 4 days thisweek. I just didn’t have the energy towrite for a half-hour. I don’t reallyhave an excuse, except to say “I didn’t wanna.”

2) Yep, had an Artist’s Date. You know the drill. More down below…

3) Synchronicity? I don’t recall anything. Well, nowthat I think about it, ever since I decided that my NaNoWriMo book was going toinclude zombies*, I have noticed a lot of zombie-related things popping up:articles, TV shows, comic books, etc. Itcould be that I was surrounded by these things the whole time (most likely) anddidn’t notice. But, it’s interestingnonetheless.

4) No issues that I can think of. Except, ofcourse, my half-hearted attempt at Morning Pages.

Now, on to the Artist’s Date:

I decided to take a solo photographic tour of thearchitecture of my city. I called it my“Backyard Beauty Bonanza,” because I wanted to see what beautiful things I coulddiscover in my own familiar backyard, aka, city.

What I decided to do was get in my car, and drivearound. Simple enough, right? Anythingthat caught my eye, whether building, house, or street, I would investigate. And every time I had to stop (law-abidingcitizen that I am), I would look for something beautiful.

It was really quite enjoyable, and it opened up my city tome in a whole new way. I would definitelyrecommend this to all of you! But, I dohave a few tips to make it more enjoyable (and less life-threatening):

1) It’s best to go in the early morning. There’s less traffic, and therefore, you areless likely to be honked at when you swerve over to the curb to take a picture.

2) Know how to work your camera. Driving is not the best time to figure outhow to zoom, or how to add an old-timey patina to pictures. Trust me.

3) Don’t have something planned right after. I thought giving myself an hour would beplenty of time, so I scheduled something directly following, and I was sad tohave to leave an area of town that I would have liked to explore. You never know what you’ll find that you’llwant to leave your car to investigate. Give yourself the time to wander.

4) Bring something to take notes with. That way, you can jot down what street yourdream home was on, or where was a little shop you wanted to visit at a latertime.

5) Have great music. Something that invokes magic, mystery,adventure, and singing! Nothing bringsdown your exploration mood like radio commercials. Bleh!

Okay, now, on to my “Backyard Beauty Bonanza”!

At my very first red light, I saw this scene out of the corner of my eye. Beautiful!

If you have one of these in your area, that's a great place to start!

Dream home, by chance?

"Liz, is that a horse and wagon?" Yep!

Old firehouse, anyone?

Don't you just love this old church!

"Liz, is that an Antebellum home from your trip to the South?" Nope, a house right down the street from me!

Friends, I could go on and on, but you get the idea.

So, here's a challenge for you, next Saturday morning, get your camera, notepad, and your favorite mix CD, and have a "Backyard Beauty Bonanza" of your own!

UP NEXT: Week Six!

And, here's a picture from the latest step on my painting!

*You might be wondering "Why, zombies?" Good question. The answer: I have no idea! I've never read a book on zombies, seen a movie about zombies, or thought about zombies (except to avoid them). But, I wanted to try something a little out of my comfort zone. So, zombies it is!

The Artist’s Way: Week Five, Post Three

2011-10-24T15:38:00.000-07:00

Most of the exercises for this week I found fun, while being very insightful.

For example: “If I had either faith or money I would try… List five desires.”

Why don’t you try out this one and see what you come up with? Some of my responses surprised me!

(Like buy a Harley Davidson—Really, it’s on my list.)

Or, how about this one: “If I were twenty and had money… List five adventures.”

(Drive across the U. S.)

Or, “If I were sixty-five and had money … List five postponed pleasures.”

(Own a cabin in the mountains)

But, there were a couple of exercises that stopped me in my tracks, like:

“The reason I can’t really believe in a supportive God is … List five grievances. (God can take it.)”

(I’m not good enough for His support.)

Or “Ten ways I am mean to myself are …”

(I doubt I have any useful talents.)

Or “My payoff for staying blocked is …”

(You can’t fail what you don’t start.)

However, the exercise that I’ve been thinking the most about is the “Wish List.” Here, you are supposed to list 20 wishes as fast as you can.

I could only come up with 8 before I was scrapping the barrel of lameness. I couldn’t think of anything! I actually wrote “I wish I had a balloon to ride.” Really, Liz? Your own personal balloon riding equipment? Since when?

I didn’t know that my imagination was so dismal that I couldn’t make a list of 20 things I’d wish for. Sad.

Can you do any better than eight?

I hope so!

UP NEXT: My Artist’s Date (pictorial review style)!

The Artist’s Way: Week Five, Post Two

2011-10-20T16:44:00.000-07:00

I used to think that I was a weirdo because I needed so much alone time. (I think my family thought I was a weirdo, too.)

Being in silence while puttering around is very relaxing to me. You will never find me cooking/painting/writing/reading/working/etc. with the TV on. I get noise assaulted very easily, and coming home to a house full of noise (even happy ones) makes my skin crawl.

I thought I was the only one who felt this way, and that it was a sign that I was anti-social (which I think I am to a certain extent—meeting new people is an AWKWARD experience for me). But, when I read this chapter, I realized that there are a bunch of us out there! Comrades!

“An artist must have downtime, time to do nothing… For an artist, withdrawal is necessary… An artist requires the upkeep of creative solitude. An artist requires the healing of time alone” (pgs. 96-97).

These sentences leaped off the page and hit me between the eyes. That’s me!

Creative solitude should be my middle name!

Now, this doesn’t give me the excuse to drop all my responsibilities, draw the blinds, and never speak to another soul. (I wouldn’t want to do that, anyway.) But, it does make me realize that I need solitude weekly, and to accept that about myself.

If I ignore this need, then I am ignoring who I am. (And that’s when I find myself miserable.)

Julia asks a question in this chapter that I’d like to pose to you: “Are you destructive of your true nature?”

Dismissing my need for creative solitude was a way I was destructive to my true nature. (And even when I had moments of solitude, I would be guilt-ridden and beat myself up about it. Not a fun way to live!)

So, can you think of any way you are destructive of your true nature?

UP NEXT: Week Five Exercises!

P. S. Here’s a creative exercise that wasn’t in the book, but that I’ve been playing with the last few days.

It’s a way to jump-start your creativity.

What you do is take your full name (I also included “miss” for some extra letters) and write each individual letter on a little square piece of paper (They should all be the same size.). Now, mix up all the letters, and spend 10 minutes coming up with as many words you can. (In 10 minutes, I came up with 76 words.) Then take the word(s) that interest(s) you and write about it (them).

I decided to use only the words I came up with to write a few poems. Here’s one of them:

I sit on

Sallow sill.

White air,

Still.

Between billow

Or boom,

I float

Within.

It’s a really fun way to break through a creative block. Give it a try!

The Artist’s Way: Week Five, Post One

2011-10-19T15:56:00.000-07:00

This week’s focus is on recovering a Sense of Possibility, and Julia talks about some very powerful concepts. I’d like to share the two opening paragraphs from this chapter to give you a feel for what she teaches us this week:

One of the chief barriers to accepting God’s generosity is our limited notion of what we are in fact able to accomplish. We may tune in to the voice of the creator within, hear a message—and then discount it as crazy or impossible. On the one hand, we take ourselves very seriously and don’t want to look like idiots pursuing some patently grandiose scheme. On the other hand, we don’t take ourselves –or God—seriously enough and so we define as grandiose many schemes that, with God’s help, may fall well within our grasp.

Remembering that God is [our] source, we are in the spiritual position of having an unlimited bank account. Most of us never consider how powerful the creator really is. Instead, we draw very limited amounts of power available to us. We decide how powerful God is for us. We unconsciously set a limit on how much God can give us or help us. We are stingy with ourselves. And if we receive a gift beyond our imagining, we often send it back. (p. 91, emphasis added.)

Wow, right?

I don’t know about you, but I totally see myself in these paragraphs. It’s quite easy for me to imagine a powerful God when it comes to things I consider “religious,” but not so much when I think about things that “I” want. And that makes me think back on times in my life that I might have refused (consciously or unconsciously) to walk through doors that God was holding open for me because I thought it was impossible.

Well no more!

God is abundant, and that abundance can also apply to my creativity! And with that in mind, you might take a look over at my sidebar and notice that not only am I planning on writing a novel for the month of November, but I’m also planning on creating a new piece of art each day that month as well!

I’m in the preparation stages for both activities right now. (Lots of plot, character, and setting ideas, and a lot of art-supply organizing and gesso-ing of backgrounds.)

It’s not going to be easy writing 1667 words a day, creating a (very small) mixed media piece a day, continuing The Artist’s Way, and holding a full-time job (and participating at church/book club/writing group/family/friends, etc).

But, I’m up for the challenge!

Care to join me for one or the other (or both!)?

UP NEXT: Something else that smacked me in the face this chapter!

The Artist’s Way: Week Four, Post Five

2011-10-12T21:11:00.000-07:00

"Two posts in one day, Liz?!" Yep! I'm on a roll...

Okay, first, a quick weekly check-in:

1. I wrote 6 out of 7 days. And this was the first time that I didn’t want to write. I had stuff to say, I just didn’t want to take the time to say it. (It takes 25ish minutes to write three pages—at least for me.) But, I made myself anyway. (Including writing affirmations on colored paper and folding it into Origami lotus flowers. (I like having them around as a visual reminder, and plan on getting some sort of container to display them.))

2. My Artist’s Date was easy this week, but made me incredibly happy! I’ll talk more about that later.

3. I didn’t really notice any synchronicity this week. But, to be honest, I forgot to look for it.

4. Aside from the sadness I felt at not reading (and the realization that I need to get additional hobbies), no specific issues came up for me.

Now, on to my Artist’s Date:

Friends, as you know, this week I’ve not been able to read. It left a gapping whole in my life and I missed it terribly. But, you also know that it was very eye-opening for me. So, I’m grateful I did it!

That being said, I specifically waited to have my Artist’s Date until Sunday, when my reading moratorium was over. You can guess what I did for my date, right? I read!!!

And not just anything, but this…

So inspiring! You can order this magazine here.

And this…

One of my favorites! You can learn more here.

And this…

Fabulous! You can see more here.

It was an art and creativity explosion in my mind, and I LOVED IT!!!

I’m so glad that there are such amazing and talented people in the world (including yourself) to inspire me and push me to keep at it, and remind me that I’m not alone in this Creative Life Experiment!

Now, go find something to spark your creativity!

Wait! Before you leave, here's the next stage of my Artist's Way painting...

Polka Dots, anyone?

UP NEXT: Week Five

The Artist’s Way: Week Four, Post Four

2011-10-12T15:19:00.000-07:00

I’ve put off posting about this week’s exercises because I had an odd experience with one, and I wasn’t sure how to word it so that people didn’t think I was losing it.

But, I wasn’t able to come up with anything, so I just wrote about it as I experienced it…

First, here’s an exercise that I loved and had fun with.

Exercise One—Describe your ideal environment (and then find a picture that matches)

This exercise was only supposed to be a paragraph, but I went on for a page. It was fun to imagine where I’d like to live, from the landscape to the weather, from the size of the town/city to the type of house. All in all, it was very enjoyable. And it was also fascinating to type into Google a few key words from my description and see what popped up.

[If you want to see what my ideal is, click here.]

Now, on to the exercise that I'm still thinking about…

Exercise Two—Imagine your 80 year-old self and have her write you a letter

To begin this one, I did a visualization technique that I semi-developed by morphing a number of techniques I’ve read in a few books and heard on tele-seminars. It was to help me get to a place (mentally/emotionally/spiritually) where I would be open to receiving information from my future self. [Don’t worry. I haven’t gone off the deep end into woo-woo-ville. It’s just a way to still the mind and really listen.] I wanted this experience to be from my heart, to flow naturally as if from another source. I didn’t want to stop and think “Now, what would I tell myself?” or “What would my real grandma say to me?” And in order for this type of divine writing to occur, you have to be in the proper mind-set.*

Anyway, once I got to that peaceful place and walked (in my mind) to the door that would open into 80 year-old Liz’s life (who by the way, lives in a quaint little cottage by a stream), I sat with her and asked her what she wanted to tell me. She handed me a letter, and I was surprised by what it said. Truly surprised (and a little bugged, to be honest).

What I wanted her to tell me was what I should do with my life. What path should I take? Should I switch careers? Move? Buy a Winnebago and hit the road collecting stories as I trade my paintings for sandwiches? Should I focus on my art? My writing? My 401k plan? What should I do?!?!?

Now, in an effort to be fully transparent and to have this journey documented for myself, I’m going to post the letter in its entirety. I also want to add that it was written without stopping my hand, without pausing to think, and without agreeing with all that it said. It took about 5 minutes and was a sort of surreal experience.

Dear Liz,

I know you are wondering what path to take. You’re interested in so many things that it can be overwhelming. Don’t let it paralyze you! Remember, you are already on your path. Right now you have to decide to go left, right, or straight. But guess what? Either way, it’s your path and God will provide for you exactly what you need.

We all have a calling. And that is to help others as we make our way back to God. If we focus on service, no matter what road we take, it will lead to the right place—a better you. I’m not saying that what you “do” as a job doesn’t matter. I’m only saying that it matters less than we think.

Do what you love, what brings love into the world, what makes others strive to be better and in turn, help more people. If you do what you love, (even if that changes over the years), and listen to God, you will be happy no matter where you are. And you will be guided to where you need to go next.

Use your resources wisely. Use your time wisely. You will never regret a skill you learn or a talent you develop. But you will regret the time you wasted on hollow things. Be gentle and kind to yourself, and those around you. You have much to give, so look for opportunities. There are more around you then you think.

Lastly, remember you will have a rewarding life, a fulfilling life, if you use what God has given you to help those around you. And you will be happy.

Love,

80-year-old Liz

Think of it what you will. I'm still figuring out what it means to me.

UP NEXT: My Artist's Date of Happiness!!!

*If you’re interested in this visualization technique, shoot me an email and I’ll give it to you. It’s been very helpful to me in various ways.

The Artist’s Way: Week Four, Post Three

2011-10-06T17:59:00.000-07:00

As you know, this week I have been on a reading moratorium or as Julia calls it Reading Deprivation week. And it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve done in my whole life (including the time I chose to get certified as a “Camping Expert ” (This had some technical title I can no longer remember.) and had to rough it for three days with limited supplies (which I remember as being my version of hell)).

It’s been hard, folks. Real hard.

I had to resort to keeping all the books I’m in the middle of reading (or wanting to read) in my car so I’m not tempted to crack one open just to read the acknowledgements page, of course, and maybe the introduction, but nothing else. Pinky swear promise!

Now, I’m not saying that it hasn’t been worth it, because it has. I know I've had flashes of inspiration. But, still, it’s not been easy. And there have been a few evenings where I’ve sat on my bed in sadness, pining for my books. {Insert mournful sigh.}

What have I been doing instead of reading, you ask?

Well, here’s a list of 20:

1. Sat in sadness

2. Complained to my roomies, aka sisters

3. Sat down to write and stared at the blank screen instead

4. Searched for new music to put on my iPod

5. Listened to the new artists I put on my iPod

6. Listened to a free writing podcast that I put on my iPod (and all backlogged episodes)

7. Re-started a daily Zen garden at my work desk

I feel calm and relaxed already...

8. Sketched three new painting ideas

9. Started a new painting

10. Wrote a plot outline for my NaNoWriMo book

11. Learned how to tune my harp

12. Tuned my harp

13. Played my harp

14. Starting writing a harp version of Silent Night since I couldn’t find one for my 12-string

15. Learned origami

16. Started writing my daily affirmations on a sheet of colored paper that I fold into an origami lotus flower

These flowers say really nice things about me!

17. Made of list of books I want to read

18. Wrote a few haiku, such as:

Aching emptiness,

What are my books whispering?

Nothing. They are shut.

19. Watched a movie (which borders on breaking the rules)

20. Cut out things from magazines for future art use.

See, for the most part, I’ve been productive. So, yay! But, it can’t wait for Sunday when I can start reading again. Only three more days to go… and I have my list ready!

UP NEXT: Some of my favorite Week Four exercises!

The Artist’s Way: Week Four, Post Two

2011-10-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

If I were to ask you the question “How are you?,” what would be your response?

Ten to one, I bet you’d respond “Fine,” no matter what was going on in your life, right?

Ya, me too.

And if you asked me “How are you feeling today?” I’d probably respond “Okay,” no matter what was going on in my life.

Glossing-over our emotions and thoughts is easy to do in conversation. (We don’t think the other person really wants to know anyway, and is just being polite.) But, it is next to impossible to do this in the Morning Pages. In fact, they really don’t allow it (I’ve tried). They press you to answer the questions “How am I?” and “How do I feel?” with an honesty that bares you to the bone. They make you answer even if you don’t want to because you know that it’s going to be painful (and require you to take action).

This truthfulness is what Julia calls Recovering a Sense of Integrity and that’s the focus for this week. She really goes into detail about the value of the Morning Pages in regards to uncovering who we really are, what we really believe, and how we can hide these truths from ourselves.

Here are just a few quotes that I loved in this chapter:

“Over any considerable period of time, the morning pages perform spiritual chiropractic. They realign our values. If we are to the left or the right of our personal truth, the pages will point out the need for a course adjustment” (p. 80).

“The process of identifying a self inevitably involves loss as well as gain … As we clarify our perceptions, we lose our misconceptions. As we eliminate ambiguity, we lose illusion as well. We arrive at clarity, and clarity creates change” (p. 81).

“Each day’s morning pages take a swipe at the blur you have kept between you and your real self” (p. 84).

I’ve experienced this, this unknown part of myself that suddenly makes its appearance on the page.

And it can be startling.

One of the rules of Morning Pages is that you don’t go back to read them. So, you’d think that that would mean you don’t remember what you’ve written (and in some cases this is true), but what happens is a tethered unraveling, an experience of coming undone and yet remaining connected. Slowly, more and more of me is appearing on the page. And it makes me uncomfortable facing myself in such an intimate way (which sounds strange, I know).

Let me give you an example to help you understand. A few days ago as I was writing random thoughts in my Morning Pages, a line appeared that was so shattering I actually stopped and held my breath because I was going to cry (and I hate crying). It was a truth so tender that I wasn’t prepared for it, and the line has been haunting me ever since.

I wasn’t going to share it specifically because it’s such a personal revelation, but, since it’s just the two of us, I’ll offer it for you to ponder:

It’s terrible to long for something you know you won’t give yourself.

The Morning Pages have shown me that this is my truth, my integrity.

And it breaks my heart…

UP NEXT: Not Reading = Sad Liz

The Artist’s Way: Week Four, Post One - PSYCH!

2011-09-30T10:24:00.000-07:00

So, full confession, I wasn’t going to be honest with you about attempting Week Four.

I was going to tell you that I was doing it, ALL OF IT, but secretly, I wasn’t going to. Or, more specifically, I wasn’t going to do ONE PARTICULAR thing that Julia says YOU ABSOLUTELY HAVE TO DO – NO EXCUSES!

Now, I hadn’t planned on being a Liar-McLiar-Pants, but what Julia asks us to do this week is hard. HARD!!! And it’s not fair. And it’s dumb. And I don’t wanna!

What is it, you ask?

She wants us to stop reading. For a whole week! NO! READING!

Not books, not magazine articles, not emails, not newspapers, not online, not in-print, not on the back of someone’s T-Shirt (I might be making that last one up).

NOTHING!

She calls this “the week of reading deprivation” (p. 87).

And what are we to do instead, you ask? Watch a lot of TV?

No. TV is not on the list of substitutions.

Then what are we supposed to do? Sit and stare at the wall?

Julia provides us with a list of suggestions (which I won’t go in to now). But, to summarize, you are to complete little tasks you’ve put off (like pay bills, sort closet) and/or do fun things (dinner with friends/dance).

Here’s what she says “sooner or later, if you are not reading, you will run out of work and be forced to play” (p. 88).

Why does she want us to do this? Is she being mean-spirited?

Here’s her explanation:

“For most artists, words are like tiny tranquilizers… [r]eading deprivation casts us into our inner silence, a space some of us begin to immediately fill with new words—long, gossipy conversations, television bingeing, the radio as a constant, chatty companion. We often cannot hear our own inner voice, the voice of our artist’s inspiration, above the static” (p. 87).

I understand what she’s saying here, and I’m a big fan of silence and solitude. I also know what it’s like to not be able to hear your inner voice for so long that the voice sounds like a stranger (or crazy person).

But, to not be able to read, (while I’m currently reading three books at the same time), is something I wasn’t prepared for! Hence, my choice to ignore it.

But, the more I’ve been thinking about it, (or avoiding thinking about it), the more I’ve realized that she might be on to something, and that I should give it a shot.

“For most blocked creatives, reading is an addiction. We gobble the words of others rather than digest our own thoughts and feelings, rather than cook up something of our own” (p. 87).

What she’s saying resonates with me. It’s a lot easier to read other people’s words than to write my own.

So, starting Sunday, I’m going on a week-long reading moratorium. (Let’s hope I can do it!)

Care to join me?

UP NEXT: The real Week Four…

The Artist’s Way: Week Three, Post Four

2011-09-27T21:16:00.000-07:00

The Check-In:

1. I did my Morning Pages 7 days this week. Hooray! My first time at 100%. I’m feeling pretty good about it. I wouldn’t say it’s a habit, but it’s definitelynot a struggle.

2. I took my Artist’s Date and once again had a fab time.(More to follow down below.)

3. In regards to experiencing any synchronicity, I will saythat I was hesitant to go on this particular Artist’s Date because I wasn’treally sure if I could count it as such (though I always find itinspiring). But, once I entered and sawa particular thing (which you will see down below), I knew that it was theright call. So, was thatsynchronicity? Maybe?

4. No issues really came up for me that I felt weresignificant for my recovery. Well, I didavoid doing the exercises for a long time (and only completed a few ofthem). This lack of a memory thingbothers me. So, is that an issue? Maybe?

Now, on to my Artist Date recap!

I decided to go somewhere that is one of my favoriteplaces. I gave myself a strict budget of$20. And I stuck with it (for the first15 minutes). By the time I left, I spentthe $20 times two and times that amount by two again. Sigh.

Here’s some pictures. Can you guess where I went?

I took close-ups of some of these paintings because they were so awesome!

Can't you just imagine me snuggled in this chair with a good book?

Alright. Here's a big clue! Any ideas on where I went?

Here it is! Did you guess the right place?

So, what did I buy? Well, I'm glad you asked!

When I saw this bottle, with the Hula Girl on it, I knew it was meant to be! Remember my first Artist Date?

Why, yes! I'd love to be inspired 365 days a year! And this sign surely guarantees it. Right?

Hi! I'm Liz's inner critic, Claire. I think all she writes belongs on the bottom of someone's shoe.

I know this kit works. I've already told them all about my fears of becoming a hobo, and I feel better already!

When writing gets too tough, and I feel like I just can't lift another metaphor, Hugo reminds me that I can. And that I better make it snappy!

If I feel like the Inspiration Fairies have flown the coop or staged a coup, I can now put on my own wings!

So, as you can see, I purchased all necessary items as every responsible adult should do.

Now, use your imagination: See me sitting at my desk with wings on the back of my chair, Inspiration 365 sign hanging in front of my window (covering the oh-so-pretty dumpster view), Hugo the Strong Man cornering Claire the Inner Critic, and my Worry Dolls absorbing all my, well, worries. With all this support, how could I NOT be a successful writer/painter/creative life-maker. Right!?

UP NEXT: Week Four!

P. S. And lest you think I forgot, here's a picture of the next stage of my Artist's Way Painting.

"Hey, Liz, what'd you do?" Well, I tore up some of my Morning Pages and glued them on!

The Artist’s Way: Week Three, Post Three

2011-09-26T15:56:00.000-07:00

When I attempted to complete the exercises for this week, my lack of a memory really got in the way. I couldn’t even do the first three exercises.

Exercise One: Describe your childhood room.

Exercise Two: Describe five traits you like in yourself as a child.

Exercise Three: List five childhood accomplishments.

Would you like to know my answers to these exercises?

1) I know it was indoors, had four walls, one window, and a closet.

2) I liked five childhood traits that I can’t remember. I know “sharing” wasn’t one of them.

3) I learned to read, write, do basic math, recognize colors, and “share,” sort of.

That’s all I had.

Now, when I got to Exercise Four, I started to feel better about myself, because even though the topic, “rotten habits,” isn’t exactly fun to dwell on, at least I didn’t have a problem listing them.

You have to list three obvious rotten habits and three subtle rotten habits. And then you have to explain what the payoff is for you to do them. There’s ALWAYS a payoff or you wouldn’t do it. Period.

As an example, I’ll share two of mine.

Obvious: I watch TV shows that I don’t like.

This was actually one of Julia’s examples, and when I thought about it, I realized I totally do this. I’ll start watching a new show, and then after a few episodes, I’ll lose interest. But there’s some part of me that thinks I need to remain loyal, so I’ll keep watching (or keeping recording them and watch them pile up in the queue.) It’s such a burden to me. And when I was thinking about the payoff, I realized that I use it as an excuse to not do things when I get home from work: “I’d love to start that new draft, but I have 5 episodes of Single Lady and her Friends to watch.”

Subtle: I read other people’s blogs without setting any limits.

This one is sneaky because it starts out all innocent and friendly. I look at someone’s blog and in the post s/he links to another blog, so I visit that one, and then that post mentions another blog, so I click that link, and then that person… you get the idea. What started out as a plan to get a 15-minute dose of inspiration on an artist’s blog turns in to a 2 ½ hour trip around the blogosphere where I end up looking at a website of earmuffs for cats. (And I a) don’t have a cat, b) don’t live in an area where earmuffs are required even for humans, nor c) am I the kind of person who would put earmuffs on a cat if I owned one and lived in inclement weather.) But, there went my evening.

So, question for you: What are your obvious or subtle habits that are standing in your way? You might be surprised!

UP NEXT: Week Three Wrap Up and Artist’s Date … where I left with wings (both physically and symbolically)…

The Artist's Way: Week Three, Post Two

2011-09-22T13:19:00.000-07:00

Synchronicity. Have you heard of this?

You know, when things occur by “coincidence” but seem to be connected or related to exactly what you needed or wanted at the exact right time? You’ve heard of this, yes?

Well, Julia tells us to be prepared for synchronicity showing up in our lives. Because the more we try to connect to the Creator, the more he’ll show up!

This is especially true if we pray (which she recommends) for connection, guidance, and greater creativity and inspiration.

Julia offers an interesting insight about prayer: “Answered prayers are scary. They imply responsibility. You asked for it. Now that you’ve got it, what are you going to do? … Answered prayers deliver us back to our own hand” (p. 62).

Have you found this to be true? I’ve never really thought about the responsibility that comes with answered prayers. I’m normally more focused on getting an answer than on what I’ll do when it happens. But, I’m giving it more thought.

Since reading this chapter for the week, I’ve started to pay attention to possible serendipitous moments. Though, I will admit, part of my problem is I talk myself out of accepting something as synchronistic.

But, I’m working on it!

Because it’s a lot more fun to think that miraculous things are happening all around me, guiding every step of the way and making life wonderful.

The alternative is to think that things happen by chance and no one cares either way. That’s a bummer.

So, I’m all in for synchronicity! And I’ll let you know if anything happens…

UP NEXT: A sampling of this week’s creative exercises and why my lack of memory ruins everything!

The Artist’s Way: Week Three, Post One

2011-09-21T16:00:00.000-07:00

Week three is about Recovering a Sense of Power.

You see, the more we let go of our previously accepted limits, and the more we counter our negative beliefs with positive affirmations, the more we step into our own power.

Do you feel very powerful in your life?

Do you feel like you have a lot of possibilities?

Are you letting fear hold you back?

Are you using anger as a tool like you should?

What? Anger as a tool?

Did I get you with that last question?

In this chapter, anger is the first thing Julia talks about. Her views on anger completely blew my mind! (And frankly, I’m not quite sure how I feel about it.)

Let me give you some quotes so you can see what I mean, and form your own opinions:

This is how I feel on the inside!

“Anger is Fuel. We feel it and we want to do something… But we are nice people, and what we do with our anger is stuff it, deny it, bury it, block it, hide it, lie about it, medicate it, muffle it, ignore it. We do everything but listen to it” (p. 61).

I’ll admit, I’ve done everything but listen to my anger. In fact, I’ve never even thought about listening to my anger. Have you?

“Anger is meant to be listened to. Anger is a voice, a shout, a plea, a demand. Anger is meant to be respected. Why? Because anger is map. Anger shows us what our boundaries are. Anger shows us where we want to go” (p. 61).

Wow, right!? You’ve never thought about anger that way, have you? Me neither.

“Anger is meant to be acted upon. It is not meant to be acted out … With a little thought, we can usually translate the message that our anger is sending us” (p. 61).

I’ve been angry recently. I told myself that it’s because of my boring job, my cramped living arrangements, my student loans being due, my blah blah blah. But in all honesty, I’m really angry at myself. That’s why it stings so badly.

“Anger is a tool, not a master … Anger is not the action itself. It is action’s invitation” (p. 62).

So, if my anger is an invitation, what’s it an invitation to do?

What action am I supposed to take?

This is what I’ve been asking myself this week. It’s what I’ve been writing about in my morning pages. It’s why I’ve become consumed with reading blogs, magazines, and books about change, passion, and taking a leap.

I think my anger is telling me that I need to be brave, and that’s something I don’t want to hear.

But, I’m listening now.

And I’m grateful for the message.

UP NEXT: Synchronicity. Do you see it in your life?

The Artist's Way: Week Two Wrap Up and Artist Date

2011-09-18T17:52:00.000-07:00

I’m just going to jump right in to answering the three questions, though not in numerical order.

Question 3: Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery?

This week I did notice that I attempted to put more creativity into my every day life. Even if it was a small thing, like choosing a pink pen, I found that creative choices came much more to the forefront of my mind. Also, I’ve been paying more attention to how I spend my time (much of it wasted) and trying to change that little by little.

Question 1: How many days this week did you do your morning pages? How was the experience for you? How did the morning pages work for you?

I did them 6 out of 7 days. My goal for this coming week is 100%! I’m actually finding them enjoyable. (Though my penmanship is atrocious since I try to write as fast as possible. I'm a busy person, after all.) I just make myself keep writing, even when I don’t know what I’ll write next. It’s kind of surprising to see what comes out of my head because I’m writing fast and without much thought. I go from what I’m worried about to what I hope to accomplish in the next year to what I’m having for lunch to how much I hate going to work to how I want to start a painting, yada yada yada. Thus far, after writing for a total of 12 days, 36 pages, I haven’t been out of something to write. Maybe that will change at week 10? We’ll see. But, I’ve liked venting and being honest with myself. It’s been illuminating.

Question 2: Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?

I’ve decided to organize my artist dates into two categories: 1) things I go and see, and 2) things I stay and do. Since last week I went to a new museum, this week I chose to have an Artist Child Saturday.

First, I got all the pesky adult errands out of the way. Then, I indulged in something that I actually remember (miracle!) doing as a child: watching re-runs of H. R. Pufnstuf (thank you, KCET for broadcasting!). Do you remember that show? By the time I watched it as a kid, it was already re-runs, and so to watch it again, some 30 years later, was fascinating.

Everything was familiar and I remembered the introduction. It made me feel nostalgic and silly all at once. But, it touched a place I used to live as a child, where trees could talk and houses had smiles and magical flutes were my friends. For a half-hour, nothing seemed impossible. (And then I made the mistake of looking up the little kid in the show to see what happened to him and got bummed out. Don’t look! Child stardom is a curse.)

After watching the show, I took some time to jot down any idea I had, no matter how dumb, in regards to the two short stories I’m attempting to write for competitions. And I have to be honest, some ideas were really lame. It’s not like after touching my childhood imagination the inspiration fairies paid me a visit and all I had was fabulous ideas. But, I did think of a few possible starts for one story and came up with a whole new idea for the other.

So, that was my artist date. Exactly what Julia recommends: “artist dates are a necessary frivolity” (p. 59).

Now, as I mentioned in my last post, I had some exciting news of sorts. I’ve decided to create an Artist’s Way painting, something that will represent the journey that I’m taking. And I’ve decided to let you in on the process (even though it makes me kind of want to pass out).

What I decided I would do is post a picture at the end of each week so you can follow the many transformations/incarnations the piece will take. Some weeks it will look horrible, other weeks it might look okay, and other weeks it will not look like anything it had the week before. But, I felt it was important to document it, if only to show myself how far I’ve come.

So, I thought I’d start by showing you a picture of where I keep all my art supplies and then the first two shots of the painting. [As a side note, this is the largest painting I have ever worked on to date: 18 by 24 nerve racking inches!]

This was a cheap MDF cupboard I bought years ago, and last year I decided to make it pretty with a painting technique and inspiring words.

Here's the inside. You can see I painted it a rich blue and have my art supplies crammed in it. (And two more boxes in my closet.) And, yes, that's Shakespeare on the bottom shelf. It's my extra copy that I use for projects.

If you recall, last week I put gesso all over the canvas. Step One complete.

Step Two is to add the first layer of color. Will any of these be seen at the end of the process? Who knows!

The Artist’s Way: Week Two, Day Five

2011-09-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

Today, I’d like to talk about 3 of the 10 creative exercises I did this week.

These three have really been eye-opening in regards to how I spend my time, and thus, how I spend my life.

Like I mentioned yesterday, we often feel that life is repetitive and we stop noticing all the bits of magic that fill our days. The same can be said for how we spend our discretionary time. And a number of the exercises this week made me realize that I squander it watching other people live.

But, no more!

As I alluded in the last post, I found out in Exercise Three that I am not an interesting person and am not very interested in other things, like, say, anything in the world. How did I come to this conclusion? Simple. I had to make a list of 20 things I enjoy doing. ANY 20 things, big or small, and I got to 7 and then was stumped. Seven! That’s all I could come up with! How boring am I?

Now, I forced myself to think of 20 (as examples to my desperation for interests: thinking and studying –sad), but I was shocked that I couldn’t easily think of things I enjoy doing.

Can you think of 20? Well, if you can, the next step in the exercise is to place a date by each, indicating the last time you participated in the activity. This was also a sad experience for me, because for some I couldn’t remember any time I ever did them (no memory of my life, you recall) and others, like “thinking” I do every day, so I wrote “every day” by it. Not exactly earth shattering information.

All in all, I realized I need to get more things that I enjoy doing. If you have any suggestions, let me know!

(By the way, Exercise Four then has you pick two from the list and do them this week. You should try it! I’m “thinking” right now!)

Please ignore my penmanship. And, yes, I practice juggling!

The other exercise that was instructive to my lopsided existence was number seven. In it, (as you can see by the picture), you draw a Life Pie, with the sections: Spirituality, Exercise, Play, Work, Friends, and Romance. You then place dots in the sections to indicate where you think you are. Towards the center is none, and towards the rim is tons. And then you connect the dots.

You see where I stand.

In no section did I feel like I was great, but one in particular (hint: Romance) was almost non-existent. (I gave myself some credit because I watched Persuasion last weekend.)

Julia comforts us by saying “it is not uncommon for your life pie to look like a tarantula. As recovery progresses, your tarantula may become a mandala” (p. 57).

So, that’s my goal for this process. I want my life pie to become a mandala!

And I want that for you too!

Lastly, I want to touch upon Exercise Ten. Here you list Ten Tiny Changes you’d like to make. For example, here are two of mine: I would like to do more things with my friends. I would like to clean out my car trunk.

Then Exercise Nine is to make one of the ten a goal for the week, and Exercise Ten is to do that item!

(And in case you’re wondering, for my goal, I chose a tiny change I didn’t mention so as to maintain an air of mystery for you readers…)

Hopefully you can see from these examples how powerful these exercises can be. I’m quite surprised, actually, on how much I’m learning about myself and what I really value, not what I say I value.

Our time is our life.

And The Artist’s Way is helping me shift how I spend my time to more productive and enriching activities.

UP NEXT: Week Two Wrap Up, my Artist’s Date, and an exciting announcement! (Well, sort of.)

The Artist’s Way: Week Two, Day Four

2011-09-15T14:50:00.000-07:00

A large portion of chapter two deals with crazymakers.

What is a crazymaker, you ask?

Crazymakers are people who enter our lives and completely take them over by pushing their own agendas. It doesn’t matter what we have planned or what we’re going through, crazymakers have it worse, and have more important issues to deal with.

As Julia defines it “Crazymakers are those personalities that create storm centers” (p. 44).

Here are some of the ways you can identify a crazymaker:

• They like drama. EVERYTHING happening to them is the end of the world and all consuming.

• They interrupt your schedule by running late, popping over, and calling at weird hours.

• They have no regard for what’s going on in your life, and your opinion doesn’t matter. They just want you to agree with them.

• They absorb your time and money.

• They expect to be treated as special.

• They never see anything as their fault.

• And they completely deny that they’re crazymakers.

Now, all of us have aspects of crazymaker-ness. I, myself, can see how I’ve done all of the things listed at one time or another (and if I’ve been a crazymaker in your life, I apologize –I’m working on it).

But, Julia’s point is to identify if we are allowing crazymakers to consume us. Because if we are, it’s hard to find the time and energy to be creative.

We need to protect ourselves. Sometimes this means setting parameters (and sticking to them) for the crazies in our lives. But, this also might mean that we need to end relationships. And that can be a tough and painful experience.

Ultimately, it’s for you to decide.

_________________

Now, I want to shift gears here, and talk about one more thing that really struck me in this chapter. Julia discusses our need to pay attention to life, and that when we do, that’s where we find truth and inspiration.

Think about it this way: If you’re like me, there are times when you get in your car to go to work or to a friend’s house, and before you know it, you’re there! You don’t remember anything about the drive. You were on autopilot, and missed the entire experience!

You didn’t notice the woman with the colorful umbrella, or the little boy holding hands with his father on the way to school, or the beautiful way the sun reflected off the clouds, or the woman singing in the car next to you, or the vibrant flowers outside the Target.

Moment after moment of inspiration went completely unnoticed!

It happens all the time in life. We check out when we get lost in our heads, and we miss the world around us.

For the rest of this week, try to notice what you’re not noticing.

That what I’m trying doing.

Up next: the exercises for Week Two, and why I feel like I need to be more interesting and interested.

The Artist's Way: Week Two, Day One/Two/Three

2011-09-14T16:15:00.000-07:00

Sorry about the delay, this week's chapter has given me a lot to mull over, and I wasn't sure how to formulate it into a post.

If you recall, Week One was all about recovering safety as an artist. If we don’t feel safe, we don’t create. (And most of our lack of safety comes from our own critical thoughts.)

Week Two is about “Recovering a Sense of Identity.”

What does that mean, exactly? Well, one way to understand it is that it’s about defining your needs and desires, and then protecting them from others who would disregard (or crush) them.

Think of it this way: If you don’t know what you need (to live a happy, creative life) and you don’t know what you desire (to push you towards growth), then you don’t know who you are. You're kind of just going through the motions of life, but not really living life.

And, most importantly, if you can’t define these things for yourself, then it’s easy to lose yourself in others’ lives.

This isn’t about selfishness, but self-protection.

We lose ourselves in two ways:

1) By denying that we are creative beings and have a right to creativity. (And this occurs through our negative, self-defeating thoughts.)

2) By allowing others to define who we are, and impose their needs and wants over our own.

Today, I’ll talk about number one, or the “you” factor.

If you’re like me, you believe what you think. You take all your thoughts as truth, and live your life based upon those truths. (Really, everyone does this.) And it’s absolutely wrong!

When it comes to our thoughts, what you and I consider truths are actually subjective opinions that we habitually think about. And this is true for every thought we have. (This is not to say that our thoughts can’t be true, because many are, but only that we don’t have to consider them true and then base our lives on those misinterpretations.)

Maybe a personal example would help, yes?

I have always thought that to be a “real” artist you had to be able to paint completely realistically, as if a picture were taken of the object. And because I defined an artist in this manner, it became my truth. And therefore, I did not consider myself an artist.

I have based my whole life on a “truth” that I told myself was true. Does this make any sense?

And many of our “truths” lead to doubts and skepticism.

“I can’t possibly write a poem! Poets are people who dress in black and have the collection of T. S. Eliot memorized.”

“I’m not an artist! I just like scrapbooking. Artists are people who make art that hangs on walls.”

A limiting belief that we take as “truth” leads to a doubt, fear, and inaction.

Now, where does skepticism come in to play?

How about another personal example:

“It was just a coincidence that a poem I posted on my blog was published in a literary journal. It had nothing to do with any actual talent or guidance/influence from God. In fact, God doesn’t care one way or another if I’m creative.”

Skeptic of talent, skeptic of guidance, skeptic of purpose, and all because of a thought I chose to believe as the truth.

[I’m going to stop here on this issue. But, I could go on and on about our thoughts and how they affect our lives. (I’ve done a lot of reading on the subject, and it’s a secret passion of mine. Next time you come over to my apartment, ask me to show you the collection of books I have dealing the topic. You’ll think I’m a nut!)]

Up next, the second way we lose ourselves, and what Julia says about the crazymakers in our lives!

The Artist’s Way: Week One Wrap Up

2011-09-12T16:51:00.000-07:00

So, can we just pretend that my absence last week didn’t happen?

I had every intention of continuing with The Artist’s Way, and then I got a stomach bug.

‘Nuf said.

But, now, I’m back on track for week two!

However, before I can tell you what’s in store for this coming week, I first need to conclude week one.

Let me start by answering the three weekly check-in questions:

1). How many days this week did you do your morning pages? How was the experience for you?

I completed the morning pages 6 out of 7 days and I have to say, it was difficult. Mostly, because I’m not used to writing three pages by hand. You would not believe the cramping your hand experiences by the end of the second page. Most of the text on my third page consists of “My hand is cramping. Oh, man, my hand hurts! Why, why hand!?” etc.

Surprisingly, I haven’t run out of things to say. My thoughts are constant and I just write them down. Something that has developed from this exercise is that I’ve challenged myself to write one FULL page of affirmations. It’s tough to come up with a page of positive things to say about yourself, day after day. Try it! It’s eye-opening.

2). Did you do your artist date this week? What did you do? How did it feel?

For my first artist date, I decided to do something cheap (as in free) and I visited a local museum that I have driven by my entire life, but never stopped in. Despite my reservations about feeling dumb and friendless, I LOVED IT! I had no time schedule to bother with, no other person to worry about, and no expectations to meet. I was able to stand in front of one exhibit as long as I wanted, and then skip another in its entirety. And it was fun. Really. FUN! I spent about an hour walking around the little museum, learned about my former city (Ontario), and was impressed by old-timey things.

It made me realize that you don’t need to travel far, or even travel at all, to be inspired. I took a lot of pictures (see below for a sampling) and came away completely recharged. When asked by the docent why I was there, I answered “I’m on an artist date with myself.” She thought that was fabulous! And so did I!

3). Were there any other issues this week that you consider significant for your recovery? Describe them.

The only issue I had this week was with my lack of memory. It really bothers me, and it makes me feel like I don’t know myself. It’s a tad unsettling, really. I’m not quite sure what to do about it. Maybe the more I try to consistently remember, the more I will? Who knows.

Now, on to some pictures from my Artist’s Date:

Here’s the Ontario Museum’s Entrance. Proof that I actually went!

Here’s a picture of the old-timey stuff I mentioned. This is the inside of Ford’s Diner which used to be on the corner of Euclid and Holt.

Here are some symbols from the local Native American tribe that I found intriguing.

Did you know that on the outskirts of Victorville there used to be a magical land called Hulaville, a sort of hand-made Disneyland? Road trip, anyone?

Tomorrow: What’s week two all about?

The Artist's Way: Week One, Day Five

2011-09-02T15:21:00.000-07:00

I completed most of the exercises listed for the week. But, I really struggled with some.

This was mostly due to the fact that I have a terrible memory and couldn’t remember anything prior to 2001. Was I even alive? (My mother assures me that I was.)

For example:

In Exercise Three, you list three “enemies” in your past that destroyed your creative self-worth by saying something critical, or just plain jerk-y. Now, I can’t remember anyone ever talking to me about anything from ages 5 to 25, let alone commenting that my picture stunk. (My mother assures me that people talked to me.) So, I could only list myself as my own enemy. (Which has made me think of that P!nk song, and now I have it stuck in my head.)

Exercise Four, you write down a horror story in regards to one of your “enemies” and I couldn’t remember a thing. (I'd ask my Mom, but who wants to remember a horror story they've already forgotten?)

Even for Exercise Six, where you’re supposed to list three “champions” of your creative self and the compliments they gave you, I could only remember one teacher who said something nice about a poem I wrote during some year in High School. (Thank you, Mrs. Little! (Incidentally, Mrs. Little is one of only two teachers I can remember from High School. The other was my math teacher whom I T.A.’d for, Mr. Wilson? Johnson? Erikson? Well, I know it had a “son” in it. Or, was it that HE had a son? Hmm…))

Needless to say, any of the Time Travel exercises bummed me out because it made me feel like a weirdo for not being able to remember anything about my entire life.

Tangent: Is there something wrong with my brain? Is this a sign that I’ll be getting Alzheimer’s later in life? (Don’t tell me if it is.) Do I have a mental deficiency due to a lack of vitamins? Potassium, maybe? Am I blocking out some sort of horrible trauma that will eventually come forth, (probably while I’m at the grocery store (a trauma in and of itself to me)), and I’ll leave my cart in the aisle (rudely) and fancy myself the store “crier” announcing to one and all the sales price of canned beans as tears roll down my cheeks because the prices were cheaper last week, and then get hauled off to the loony bin after I’ve disrobed? These are the questions I’ve been obsessing over… (Not that I’ve given this much thought…)

Anyway, one exercise I DID like was Exercise Eight!

You list five imaginary lives you would live if you could. You’re to list them really fast, without much thought. Here’s my list: a painter, an English professor, a writer, an archeologist, and a philosopher (like Aristotle—I’d just roam around, talking to people about life, making them think about the BIG questions, and asking them if they could spot me a twenty for travel costs and new sandals. Eventually, I’d get a large enough following to set up shop (probably on a hill with a veranda), with my own school of thought (Elizabethilian Theory) and people would flock to me for my wisdom (not that I’ve given this much thought…)).

The next part of this exercise is to pick one of those lives and live it for the week in any way you can. I chose “a painter” (because I wasn’t sure my family would volunteer to stand around me while I pontificated on Elizabethilian Theory) and made myself paint (despite hyperventilation) on one of the canvases I’d been saving for something “good” or “profound” or “revolutionary.” After a brief dialogue with myself, (and then concern that I had already gone crazy and should be sent to a loony bin), I talked myself into to just painting it with white gesso. It doesn't even look like I did anything. But I know I did something.

Baby steps, people.

Question for today: What imaginary lives would you live, and how could you incorporate one into the upcoming week?

TOMORROW: Weekly check-in questions and I’ll tell you about my Artist Date!

The Artist's Way: Week One, Day Four

2011-09-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

We’ve all heard of, and maybe even used, affirmations. (I know I have.)

And it’s always been interesting to me how false saying “I am a wonderful person!” feels, but how easily I believe “I am a horrible person.”

I don’t know why we have a harder time believing the positive about ourselves, and yet, believing the negative is like second nature.

Maybe it’s a natural man thing?

Or we think it’s prideful to be positive about ourselves?

That it lacks humility?

That it means we’re cocky jerks?

I don’t know.

Julia says “Affirmations help achieve a sense of safety and hope” (p. 34). And she has a list of 20 that can be incorporated when talking to ourselves (and we’re always talking to ourselves).

Some that really resonate with me, (I think because I resist them), are:

• I am a channel for God’s creativity, and my work comes to good.

• My creativity heals myself and others.

• I am allowed to nurture my artist.

• I am willing to create.

• I am willing to be of service through my creativity.

• I am willing to use my creative talents.

(pgs. 36-37)

Bathroom Inspiration. Does that sound gross?

In truth, I’ve been pondering all the affirmations she offered, and have even listed some of my own while writing my Morning Pages. And I’ve tried to come up with ways to remind me of them. (As you can see by the picture, I’ve written a little message to myself on the bathroom mirror. It says “I deserve a rewarding creative life!”)

I think we believe the negative because it stops us from trying, and thereby, gives us the illusion of safety (since we take no risks).

But, negativity is not safety, it’s destructive (and depressing). And nothing can flourish from that kind of place.

So, how do we combat this? What I did was take the list of core negatives from yesterday, and reframed each one as a positive.

For example:

I’m not talented enough = I am filled with talent!

It’s only worthwhile if I can make a living from it = It’s worthwhile because it gives me joy!

I only have one or two good ideas = Creative ideas always find me!

You get the point.

And then I just keep repeating them whenever a negative pops up (like last night, when I took out a paint brush, a canvas, and some gesso). The affirmations may not resonate with my mind (yet), but I know they do with my spirit.

So for now, that’s what I want to leave you with. Challenge your negative core beliefs and replace them with positive affirmations.

It makes a world of difference. In fact, it makes a different, more creative world!

Tomorrow: I’m going to discuss some of the exercises I’ve completed this week. Some were fun, some were upsetting.

The Artist's Way: Week One, Day Three

2011-08-31T08:55:00.000-07:00

What are your core negative beliefs about being an artist/creative person?

It’s good to identify them because they’re what hold us back from taking the leap into living a creative life.

“Negative beliefs are exactly that: beliefs, not facts” (p. 31).

We don’t have to believe them. It’s a choice!

Here are just some of my core negative beliefs. (This is very personal, but I feel important enough for me to deal with publicly.) See if you share any of them.

I can’t consider myself an artist or writer because:

• I’m not talented enough.

• It’s only worthwhile if I can make a living from it.

• I only have one or two good ideas.

• I’ll always be poor if I try to be an artist.

• Artists are moody, depressing people and I don’t want to live that way.

• I’ll disappoint my parents if I follow my dreams.

• It’s not practical to be an artist.

• People will consider me a failure.

• I’m too old to change careers.

• I need to think about my retirement.

• Nothing I ever create will be good enough to sell or publish.

I could go on and on…

While making this list, I started to feel a little nauseous, and realized that Julia is right, “What you are is scared. Core negatives keep you scared” (p. 32).

I’m taking my beliefs as fact, and letting them limit my life. That’s just crazy!

Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not suggesting that I should throw caution to the wind, quit my day job, buy a Winnebago, and start peddling my wares across the country (though part of me desires that). But, I don’t need to let them stop me from picking up a paintbrush or writing a short story.

There can be balance. But, not if we become immobilized by fear.

One way she suggests we break our negative beliefs is by identifying them and then countering them with an affirmative.

I’ve worked with affirmations before, but never in regards to my thoughts on my creative abilities.

I’ll talk more about this tomorrow.

For now, I’ll leave you with the same question I started this post with:

What are your core negative beliefs about being an artist/creative person?

Make a list, and we’ll talk about changing them in the next post.

The Artist's Way: Week One, Day Two

2011-08-30T12:53:00.000-07:00

For most of my life, I was a shadow artist.

What’s a “shadow artist” you ask?

According to Julia, shadow artists are people “caught between the dream of action and the fear of failure” (p. 25). These are people who believe that OTHER people can be artists/ writers/ crafters/ musicians/ etc., because they have real talent.

Shadow artists often hang out with artists, work with/for artists, or follow/support artists. They always feel like they’re just on the edge of great creativity, but can never fully step into it.

This was me.

In fact, in some ways, it’s still me.

To this very day, I carry around all the little insults and hurts and rejections and failures from my past that feel like leeches draining me of present creativity.

Maybe you’ve experienced something similar?

One way to move from being a shadow artist to an artist artist is realizing that you are still that little child who was told to stop day-dreaming, or to focus on a career that can earn you money, or to forget about being a musician because you can’t make a living that way, or just let your writing be a hobby!

Our little artist child needs protection, and safety in order to flourish. We give her that by not criticizing everything we do. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves, to believe what we’ve been told in the past. But, that’s just one version of reality, not the one we have to believe.

I was reminded to this over the weekend.

On Saturday, I went with Rachel to the Sawdust Art Festival in Laguna Beach. And as we were winding our way through the many booths, I was struck by the varying levels of skill, and would point to one booth and say “Rachel! I can do that! It’s slightly above elementary level!” and then I would look at another booth and say “Way beyond my capability.” But, time and again, there was a booth that displayed art that I could do. In fact, I saw art that was very similar to what I’ve painted!

What I took from that fabulous day was that I am already good enough! People, of my same skill level had booths! They considered themselves artists even though their paintings were simple or child-like or of cats!

And you know what that means? I can consider myself an artist. Right now! All I have to do is change my mind.

And the same goes for you!

Rachel and I left realizing that we already have it. We’re enough! We are artists! We just need to let go of expectations and fear. We need to let ourselves be free, and part of that freedom comes through play.

“What?”

Yes, play.

Your artist child needs to be allowed to have fun and play with sparkles. Or allowed to dump out all the fabric she’d like and just look at the colors. Or to listen to music as loud as she wants while pretending to play the drums.

We, (the adult us), need to remember to play. And that’s hard to do sometimes between all the practical (and necessary) stuff we need to do as functional adults.

That’s why Julia has you go on Artist’s Dates. It gives you a reason to play!

I hope you’re thinking of something you can do for an artist date. It can be as simple as taking an hour to flip through magazines and cut out pictures/ideas that inspire you.

Remember, a writer is someone who writes. A painter is someone who paints. A musician is some who plays an instrument. A photographer is someone who takes pictures. There is no other label necessary. Not good. Not bad. Not gifted. Not talented.

Stop being a shadow artist and realize that you already have it in you!

Here’s a question I want to leave you with:

1) How can you be more kind to your inner artist this week?

The Artist’s Way: Week One, Day One

2011-08-29T10:26:00.000-07:00

So, I’d like to say that I woke up this morning filled with the excitement of unborn creative energy, ready to take a leap into the ether of the Creator, and have a morning unlike any other filled with magical fairies of inspiration.

But, that didn’t happen.

Instead, I woke up with a migraine hangover. And after hitting snooze four times, I fumbled for my Morning Pages notebook/pen/glasses and wrote: I hate mornings.

Now, yes, I made myself continue to write, but it wasn’t as I had hoped. (Not that I was really expecting fairies.)

But, I will say that I’m optimistic about the week because, despite my rough morning, I already feel creatively productive. And that’s a great feeling!

This week the focus is on “Recovering a Sense of Safety.”

I know for myself, many times I’ve said I’m not creative, but what I really meant was, “I’m not safe to create. I’ve been judged in the past. I’ve been told I’m not good enough. I don’t want to take that risk again. I’m afraid of what others will think. I don't want to be ridiculed or be made a fool of.”

It's all about fear.

There’s a quote by Picasso that says “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once he grows up.” How true is that!

I know I’ve watched my nephews pick up crayons and create their masterpieces. They beam with self-assurance, knowing that I’m going to praise their work and hang it on the fridge. They don’t see anything wrong with purple hair and orange skin, or a lopsided circle, or an animal that is unrecognizable. It breaks my heart to know that slowly the world is going to tell them that they’re not good enough, and slowly they’ll come to believe it.

This week’s exercises all focus on re-establishing safety. It’s going to be an interesting experience because about half of them require remembering the past, and if you know me, you know I don’t remember much of my childhood or teenage years (or early 20’s, for that matter). So, it will be a challenge.

But, I’m up for it!

Now, a question for you: Do you have any creative plans for the week?

Think of something right now and schedule it in, with pen!*

TOMORROW: How my adverture this past weekend supported my inner artist and gave my confidence a good kick in the pants!

*This is reminding me of when I signed the contract in the book yesterday. I seriously contemplated signing it in pencil, in case I fail, so I can erase it and pretend I never tried. Silly me.

For my Grandma...

2009-02-03T08:40:00.000-08:00

So, for Christmas I decided to make my Grandma a collage as a “thank you” for intrusting me with tons of our old family pictures.

In fact, I used one of those pictures in her collage as the focal point. It’s of my ancestor, Mary Rosell. The picture was taken at her high school graduation, and she died a year later of TB.

I stared at her face a lot while making this. I imagined that at that moment she had all these plans of leaving her small Utah town and seeing the world. She had dreams of getting married and starting a family. She had her whole life before her and she was filled with the possibilities.

And then, Tuberculosis came to visit and took her away. She was born, lived, and died about a century before me. And yet I feel like I know her from working on this piece.

That’s really why I like using my ancestors in my art. It connects them to me and me to them. And I feel like I’m doing my part as their descendent: Remembering (which is the title of my Grandma’s collage).

Through my work, they still live on in this world, even while they are in the next. And that’s my way of honoring them.

So, if you’ve requested a picture (and I’m working on three right now), know that one of my ancestors will soon grace your walls…

P. S. And a picture of my Grandma is also included in the top left corner.

It Begins...

2008-10-31T11:49:00.000-07:00

“The biggest thing separating people from their artistic ambitions is not a lack of talent. It’s the lack of a deadline.” – Chris Baty, founder of NaNoWriMo

So, with the big day starting tomorrow, I’d thought I’d let you in on a few things I learned from participating in NaNoWriMo last year.

First, understand that your novel is going to be bad. Really bad. I mean, really, really bad! This is not to say that there won’t be some good parts—because there will be—but most of it will stink.

Now, you might think that going in to something knowing ahead of time that you’re going to suck at it, might be a bad thing. But, you’d be wrong. It’s freeing!! You don’t have to worry about writing the next GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL. It’s not going to happen, so don’t stress about it.

Just write.

Who cares if your plot has more holes in it than something with a lot of holes, and that half-way through you decide to kill off your main character because she’s boring or somehow morphed into a space alien. The point is that you sat down, and wrote your little, trite, poorly-crafted heart out!

Second, and this directly relates to the first point, don’t worry about the research. If you don’t know it, make it up, and use as many words as you can think of to do so!

Just put the made up parts in caps, italics, or something, so you know where to go back later and find out the facts. And frankly, you probably know more than you think!

For example, I know that my main character is going to have dealings with police detectives. In fact, a police detective is going to become an important character with the first few chapters (somehow). Now, am I a police detective? No. I’ve I ever dealt with police detectives? No. But, I’ve watched tons of police-detective-type shows! So, for now, I’ll just rack my brain for any tidbits it can come up with and worry about the “facts” of how a “real” police investigation would go, later.

Last year, my book took place in Ohio. Have I ever been to Ohio? Nope. But I didn’t let that stop me! So, use your imagination, and don’t let the fact that you don’t know that “facts” be an excuse for not finishing your book.

Third, you might start out strong, but you’ll soon waiver on your commitment. (This happens to everyone around the 2nd / 3rd week.)

Trust me.

You’re going to be too busy.

You’re going to be too tired.

You’re going to be too bored.

You’re going to be too untalented.

You’re going to be too far behind.

You’re going to be too…something!

But don’t be tricked by your mental gymnastics! It’s just your inner self-doubt coming to the forefront. All you need to do is remember that you’ve given yourself the permission to write the WORST NOVEL ON THE PLANET!

So, pick yourself up, put yourself back at the computer, and keep typing! It will get better! I promise.

Besides, never forget that you have 11 months to fix it. No matter how bad it is, you can change it!

Now, just a few more little things.

If you can, and are on a roll, write more than the required 1667 words per day. Give yourself a buffer. It will help you on those days where you think your creativity has gone on strike and you can’t put a sentence together.

Also, if you’re like me, you want your first paragraph to be awesome. And waiting for the awesomeness to arrive will soak up valuable writing time. So, do what I do: if I really can’t think of a great first paragraph (which I never can), I just write “The super best, most witty and awesome paragraph ever written that tells us about…” and then I just give the facts of what I’d like it to say using the most words as possible.

Later, when the month is over, I’ll go back and make sure that my prose sings like a canary! (But using some other analogy that is far more creative.)

Lastly, don’t use contractions*. You want every word count you can get. Write out any numbers you use (even if it looks stupid)*. And use LOTS of adjectives.

The point is quantity, not quality. So, write your story, and don’t worry about it!

* This post contains 791 words. But, if I write out all the contractions and numbers, I would have 61 more words! For a total of 852 words. And that would mean that I was more than half-way to my 1667 word per day goal. See! Every word counts!!

A Simple Palette

2008-09-16T09:46:00.000-07:00

For Hannah’s art piece, I decided to use only two colors of paint. I wanted to see what I could do with a limited color scheme, and I loved it!

I thought it came out very graphic (not meaning explicit, of course).

It’s still whimsical, and it still has the two components that I include in each of my pieces:

Poetry and Women.

But, it “feels” different from my other ones.

Looking at Hannah’s and then Rachel’s, I don’t know if you could tell that I was working on them at the same time. But, I was!

The pictures, once again, stink. I really need to get a new camera… The colors just aren't as vivid as in real life.

I hope you like it, Hannah! (If you want a different one, let me know.)

Rachel's Collage: I think I feel queasy...

2008-09-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

Full Confession: I almost threw Rachel’s collage away not once, not twice, but three times.

And when I gave it to her, I almost puked.

You see, I tried something different with Rachel’s.

I wanted it to be a little more whimsical.

I wanted brighter color. (Hence using blues, greens, and oranges.)

I wanted more texture so that people would feel compelled to touch it.

So, when you look at the pictures, keep that in mind. Because I don’t think I succeeded, but that was the goal.

Oh, and once again, my camera betrayed me.

I don’t know why it doesn’t like me to get close and zoom. It just won’t focus correctly when I do that. I suppose if I read the instructions it would tell me. But, I can’t be bothered with that…

Rachel, I tried my best...

Another Birthday, Another M.M.A. Piece

2008-08-11T17:17:00.000-07:00

Well, the Other Liz had her birthday on Saturday!

So you know what that means?

Yep, I finished another painting/collage as a less expensive birthday gift.

(Except, they actually don't turn out to be less expensive. By the time I buy the canvas, specific colors the person requested and other doodads that go with the theme, it turns out to be roughly the same price as a nice gift. But, it's a heck of a lot more fun than just buying something! So, I'm sticking with it!!)

I think Liz liked it*. I didn't give it to her when all the other people gave their gifts because I was sitting at another table at the farthest point possible while still being considered a member of her party.

So, I didn't want to pass it across to the other table and then have everyone look at while I was a mile away and couldn't give my disclaimers.

You know: "It's just for fun." "It's not perfect." "I tried some new techniques that didn't really work." "I'm sorry it's crap."

So, I waited until the party** was about over and people were leaving and I could pull her to the side really quick and give it to her.

I know. I know. I should be more positive and confident in my art.

But, it's scary for me.

Scary in a good way because it means I'm stretching myself. But still. It makes me feel a little panicky inside. You know what I mean?

Well, blah blah blah, here are some pictures of it.

(I had a hard time with the glare and focus factor. Sorry.)

*Oh, and Liz, I forgot to mention that yours was the first piece I've done with a picture of one of my ancestors. I have no idea how I'm related because my great aunt didn't label the picture. So, I don't even know her name. I call her Molly.

**It was really a fab party at this Indian restaurant. And I had a fun time talking with my new bff's Joey and Emily. It was nice to get to meet new people! So, I'm not complaining about being at the other table of outer darkness, or as Joey coined it "the short bus." It fact, if I were Liz (and I am A Liz), I'd feel loved because so many people came they couldn't even fit at the main table.

P.S. Hannah, I've finished yours. I just need to find you!

P.P.S. or P.S.S. (which ever it is) If you left a comment on my other M.M.A. post indicating that you wanted one, I've written your name (and any colors, etc.) down, and will get to it as soon as I can. (Even if I we haven't met. Hi Annie of Blue Gables!)

M.M.A. --Or, Mixed Media Artist (Not Mixed Martial Arts which is what pops up first if you google MMA.)

2008-07-14T12:01:00.000-07:00

In an effort to keep this blog alive, I’m going to start posting on anything remotely creative I do. That way, I’m hoping this blog becomes less scary to me and I’ll be visited by the poetry muse again.

With that, I’ve finished it!

“Finished what?” you ask.

Katie’s birthday painting!

“But, Liz, wasn’t Katie’s birthday like 5 months ago?”

Yes. I’ve had some issues with it. But, I pressed forward and finished!

I gave it to her on Saturday, and of course, she was kind and gracious and said she loved it. (I’m taking her at her word even though she could just be sparing my feelings.)

Do you want to see some pictures?

Well, here you go!

Now, for those of you with a birthday coming up, guess what you’ll be getting!!!

Seriously.

(I’ve planned a cruise through Asia in a year and a half, and I need to save all the money I can. So, you’re all getting a painting, or a birthday “High Five.” Take your pick!)

So when it’s your birthday, this is what I need you to tell me:

1. What colors do you want? Be specific, and if possible, give me an example. Don’t just say “blue” (unless you really don’t care).

2. What theme(s) or idea(s) would you like to be included? You know, maybe you want one with fairies, or trolls (if you’re Brett), or love, or freedom, or birds, or houses, or reading. Stuff like that.

Oh, and if you had a birthday already this year, and would like one, let me know!

And if you’re interested in what I used to make this painting, here is a list of some of the materials:

Acrylic paints
Oil pastels
Watercolor pencils
Charcoal pencils
Crayons
Shimmery stuff
Metal brads
Ribbon
Thread
Paper (all different kinds)
Olden days writing and images
Ink
Stamps
Flowers
Mod Podge
Gel medium

Hi, do you remember me?

2008-07-09T13:55:00.000-07:00

So, despite my best intentions and efforts to make it otherwise, it seems that announcing my plans to the world of posting a weekly poem has crushed my creativity under the weight of fear.

Seriously folks, the well has run dry.

Even when I tell myself that I can write a poem and just not post it, I still clam up—or self-edit so greatly that my original idea becomes a bland piece of junk.

This has weighed heavily on my mind.

I want to improve. I want feedback. But, I’m not sure if a blog is the answer.

So, the next question becomes, what to do with it?

Should I morph it into something else?

I have been thinking of expanding the purpose of my blog from dealing only (or mainly) with poetry, to dealing with anything I do of a creative nature.

I mean, I do mixed media art, maybe I should post pictures of my latest work?

I participate in ATC (Artist Trading Cards). Maybe I should show you what series I’m working on?

I’m trying to get my freelance career started. Maybe I should give updates, and track my progress?

I’m starting to write another book. Maybe I should talk about that, and post some stuff?

Or, maybe I should just hit “delete blog” and be done with it?

I don’t know. I’m still thinking on it.

I only know that every time I announce something on a blog, I seem to lose interest it or feel a deep sense of crapdom.

What do you think that says about me?

Hmm…

P.I.Y.P. Day: The Results

2008-04-18T08:25:00.000-07:00

So, did you put a poem in your pocket yesterday, read it constantly, and share it with others?

No?

Did you at least think about a poem?

No?

Did the word “poetry” ever cross your mind?

No?

That’s okay.

You can give it another shot next year. I’ll remind you, don’t you worry!

Do you want to know how it went with me?

No?

Well, I’m going to tell you anyway!

The poem I chose is by one of my favorite poets of all time, W.B. Yeats.

When You are Old is the first poem I ever memorized for no other reason than love. When I heard it, I knew I had to make it a part of me.

So, I buckled down one night about ten years ago, and read it over and over again until I could say the words with my eyes closed. And it’s been with me ever since.

Anyway, Wednesday night I decided that I would make copies of the poem and pass it out to all my co-workers (since I lacked the courage or desire to stand on a soapbox in the middle of the university and recite it out loud).

Then, yesterday morning, I made my rounds and handed out the poem. I had quite a variety of responses. Most simply seemed surprised, and stammered a “Thank you.” (Boy, that was a great alliteration sentence, wasn’t it?)

But, a few reacted differently:

1. One co-worker looked at me like he thought I expected five bucks in return. (I told him no payment was necessary, words are free.)

2. One said “Oh, I don’t have a poem for you!” (That made me laugh--Like we’re on some sort of poetry barter system.)

3. One sent me an email telling me how much the poem meant to her, and that she loved it.

4. One gave me a big hug.

5. One said I was so thoughtful to think of her and seemed really touched.

6. One pulled me aside and explained to me what she thought the poem meant, and then asked me if she was right. (I told her that, usually, any interpretation could be correct.)

7. One co-worker came in late (so I had just left it on her desk) and I heard her say “Who left me this poem? What a great way to start the day!”

Overall, the first national Poem In Your Pocket day was a great success for me!!

I loved being able to share some beautiful words with people I see every day and to give them an opportunity to pause, read, and think (if only for a minute) about the wonder of words.

So, get ready for next year! It’s a great way to liven up an ordinary work day, I promise!!

Come On, Fill Your Pockets With Words…

2008-04-16T08:49:00.000-07:00

In case you haven’t heard, tomorrow is a very special day. And I’m asking you, as a friend, to consider participating in it.

There isn’t much you have to do.

In fact, for a poor lazy person, it’s an ideal challenge. You don’t have to run a marathon, donate thousands of dollars, or give up hours of free time.

No, all you have to do tomorrow is pick a poem, any poem, and put it in your pocket.

That’s it.

If you want to go the “second mile,” make a few copies of it, and pass them out to others. But, really, I’ll I’m asking you to do is to put a poem in your pocket. (Even if it’s only a few lines.)

You see, tomorrow is the first national Poem in Your Pocket Day!!!!!! And I think it is a super cool idea!

If you don’t have a favorite poem, or a favorite poet, the website I linked to provides plenty of options in pocket-sized versions. So, download one, print it, and put it in your pocket.

And then when you have a few spare moments tomorrow, whip it out, and read it. And if you’re feeling really brave, share it with someone!! (I'm planning on giving a copy to all of my co-workers.)

Actually, I’d love for you to share your choice with me! So, come back here and post your poem in the comments (if you want). And I’ll post mine!

Let’s make the first national Poem in Your Pocket Day a great success, and get the word out about words!!!

I Like to Pretend I'm a Poet

2008-04-15T10:21:00.000-07:00

So, I haven’t completely forgotten about this blog. No, it’s been hovering over my head, constantly raining down failure.

But, in an attempt for Present Liz to keep a promise Past Liz made to Future Liz, I’m reviving my commitment to the initial premise of this blog, and am going to begin posting again. And I’m going to try not to be negative about it all (which is harder than I think it would be to dig to China).

With that, I’ll proceed with the purpose of this post.

As some of you may know it’s National Poetry Month (NPM). And I’ve been receiving a poem-a-day from 3 different websites. I’ve enjoyed opening up my email and being surrounded in words—some that have resonated with me, and some that have made me say “Huh?”

This is why I love poetry. It makes me ponder. It makes me cry. It makes me want to be better. It makes me look at the world differently. To me, all poetry (even the bad ones) is worthwhile.

So, I wanted to share (with the two of you) a little bit of new stuff coming out of aspiring (and a few established) poets. The university I work for has a writing program, and in honor of NPM, they published "Poetry Sleepover.” Basically, it’s an online literary magazine. They had poets submit whatever they wanted, and then over a period of 24 hours, they selected, edited, and published this online version.

(I submitted a brief poem modeled after one of my favorite poems by Ezra Pound and they selected it.)

If you have a minute or ten, read through a couple of the poems. There’s a great variety of different styles and topics. Something for everyone!

And, if you have a few more minutes to spare, why don’t you write a poem of your very own in support of NPM? It doesn’t have to be anything spectacular. Trust me on that. I’m an expert at non-spectacular-ness.

Yay for words!!!*

*Tomorrow I'll be posting a special request. So, stay tuned!

1910 Novel: Part III

2008-02-28T11:05:00.000-08:00

Looking back over it all has been a little embarrassing. But, that's what this blog is about: public flagullation.

So, here's the last bit:

Now, I know what you’re thinking. But that spot was sacred to me. So much so, that I didn’t ever notice if it had a smell. It was actually part of the venting system, I think, and I could just pry off the screen and slip right in. The time I remember most about my spot was when I was seven going on eight, and I decided that I was going to be a writer.

An older girl had snuck a Harper’s Bizarre magazine into FCF. And inside there was an article on some man, who’s name I can’t remember anymore, but I do remember hearing girls talk about what he did for a living. He wrote stories. And I couldn’t believe that someone could actually get paid for that. It was then and there that I decided that that’s what I wanted to do.

I ended up stealing that magazine and taking it to my spot. I tore out the page like they were covered in gold and pasted them to the walls. I couldn’t really read all that good then, but I could dream like a champ. That was one thing that we all learned at FCF. Dream or die. And in my little spot, which really wasn’t any bigger that three feet squared, I imagined the world. A world where I was paid for writing the stories of my mind, and I was wanted, and I was loved. That vent in the bathroom was how I survived those first twelve years at FCF. And I’ll never forger when I realized that I had outgrown that place. I was afraid that since I couldn’t fit into my spot anymore, that maybe, just maybe, I couldn’t fit into the dreams I created there. When you’re a kid growing up in an orphanage, you have silly thoughts like that.

After my decision to become a writer, I worked hard in my studies. We were all required to attend class from eight in the morning to four in the afternoon. We had one 5-minute break at 10a.m. in which we closed our eyes and placed our heads on our desks to “reverence our thoughts.” Lunch was at noon. We would have 20 minutes to eat, and then we had to run around a path that was in the courtyard of FCF for 15 minutes. Then, it was back to class.

Maybe a few more descriptions of the actual building of FCF would give you a better idea of what I’m talking about. So, let me tell you here, that FCF was shaped like a square horseshoe with the two sides leading away from the main road. Looking straight at FCF you wouldn’t even know that it extended down those two sides. You see, it was imposing from the front because it had five floors while the two sides only had three.

But, enough of that. Like I was saying at the age of seven I decided that education was going to be my ticket to life. And that writing was going to be my train through the world. In fact, when I look back on it, those years flew by because they were filled with learning. That was one thing the orphanage did really well. They made sure to provide all of us “lost souls” with a solid education. And although they wouldn’t allow us any contact with the outside world through radio and magazines, they did allow us to learn about the world through great works of literature.

It’s just occurred to me that I haven’t told you my name. That’s funny. I got so involved with my story that I forgot to include myself in it.

I'm going to retire this story for now. Maybe down the road, I'll decide to do the research, and flesh out my ideas more. But, I'm inherently lazy, so who knows? (It took me an hour to write the stupid thing, and that's all the time I wanted to dedicate to it.)

Thanks for reading and not saying "You suck, Liz!" (even if that's what you thought).

1910 Novel: Part II

2008-02-15T11:47:00.000-08:00

So, I’ve already decided to not continue to write my 1910 novel. Why? Because I’ve gone over the list of things I have to research and I’m completely overwhelmed. I think I’m just going to write some young adult fiction. That doesn’t require going to a library. And no research = easier job.

To prove to you how much I’d have to investigate, here are just a few things I’ve come up with:

1. Orphanage policies at the turn of the century.
2. Dialect of North Carolina in the 1900’s.
3. Speech patterns and vocabulary of the poor in 1900’s N.C.
4. Detailed map of the area including small roads, towns.
5. Stores, entertainment, overall culture of the time.
6. 1950’s culture/language/etc. (because of the prologue that I haven’t shown you).
7. Laws of N.C.
8. Laws of S. C.
9. Policies for dealing with mentally handicapped people in the 1900’s.
10. Relations between African-Americans and white people during that time. (You have to be really specific about these things. You just can’t say: bad.)

Well, that gives you a small taste of what I’m up against. Maybe in a few years I'll try to tackle it again. I think there’s an interesting story in there, somewhere.

Here’s the second excerpt from the 1st chapter.

And, I guess my story could have ended there. But, it didn’t. You see that’s where it just began. In fact, it wasn’t until I found out the truth of my origins that I began a journey towards my real beginnings.

But, before I tell you where I went, let me tell you where I left.

My whole remembered life, up until I was eighteen, was spent at the Franklin Children’s Facility, or FCF. Now, FCF was famous all over North Carolina, mostly because it was the only orphanage in the state to hold over eight hundred children on any given day. And the children came from all over, not just from Franklin County. There were kids form Raleigh, Charlotte, and even as far as Wilmington.

From the outside of FCF, you wouldn’t know that children lived on the inside. And on the inside, only seeing children let you know that it was an orphanage. Looking at FCF was like looking at a black and white photograph even though you were standing right in it. And dull was the only color found on the building or the grounds surrounding it. There was absolutely nothing to “stimulate overzealous activity” as our caretakers would say. No pictures. No radio. No magazines. No flowers. No life, really. In fact, there was a joke that if it were at all possible, FCF would place a permanent cloud overhead to stop the sun from shinning and keep all us children “obediently subdued” as the director of the orphanage, Mrs. Wilkins, would constantly remind us.

But, despite all of their best efforts, we children found ways to be. There were lots of hidden places in FCF, places that only small, skinny, forgotten kids like us could find. Most of us had our own special place, a spot where no one else could own your imagination. Mine was located in the bathroom on the third floor.

If you can think of anything else to include on the list, drop me a line in the comments. And, if you can stomach it, my next post will be the last part of the first chapter (and the final post on this story).

A Change of Pace...

2008-02-13T09:53:00.000-08:00

Well, since I've started this blog especially dedicated to all my creative endeavors, my creativity has put on cement shoes and is now swimming with the fishes.

Seriously, I feel like the crapity crapest poet on the planet. And it's making me afraid to write because I know I'll have to post it. And then the world (i.e. three people) will read it, point and laugh.

So to say I have writer's block is an understatement. I have writer's coma, or writer's amnesia, or writer's "Holy Moly! What was I thinking? Me? A writer! You've got to be kidding!"

In order to get myself out of this phase (fingers crossed that it's only temporary), I thought I would switch gears. Mix it up a bit. Not think about poetry. In fact, completely forget that I ever thought I wanted to be a poet.

Don't worry though. I'm still going to share something painfully ~~bad~~ exposing. That's what this blog is for, after all!

Now, you all (the three of you) know that I participated in NaNoWriMo in November and wrote a novel. Well, before I wrote that one, I had started another. And, recently I've been working on it a bit, trying to decide if it was worth continuing.

It's a novel about my great-grandma’s experience of being in a small North Carolina town in the early 1900’s, and dealing with the fact that she was a product of rape (and that her mother was mentally handicapped), and the journey she embarks on to discover the truth of who she is. The book is part family history, and part fiction.

So, I thought I would share some of it with you. That way you can tell me if you think it's worth the bother of all the research it's going to require.

Keep in mind this is a VERY rough draft. As in, a lot of it will be tossed as I continue to revise it.

I guess I'll stop talking about it now, and just let you read it.

1910

When you find you’re a product of rape, and how that rape happened, it changes the world. Really. Now, I’m not saying that the sun stops being bright yellow or the green grass turns bleak, but it does color other parts of life—mostly, what you think about yourself and how you fit inside, way down deep where there’s no wind, only a stillness that tells you who you are and where you belong. So, I guess it doesn’t so much as change the world, but changes you in the world.

At least that’s what happened to me. And it’s kind of funny when I look back on it. I thought that finding out the truth about who I was and where I came from would give me a sense of everything else. And with that knowledge in my hands, I would be able to be me—at last—and the life that had been living me wouldn’t be real anymore because I was finally real.

But all the truth did was add to my already unknowness. Now, don’t get me wrong, it did provide some fundamental answers. It explained how I found myself in an orphanage on the outskirts of Franklin County in North Carolina, and it also answered why nobody ever loved me. But it didn’t tell me what I was hoping for. It’s a hope that all us orphans dreamt about—that our families lost us, not left us. And that if they only knew where we were, they’d pick us up quicker than coins at a card game. But, all the truth did was tell me what I feared—that I was left and I was nobody.

Stay tuned for Part II...

The Toughest Part…

2008-02-08T11:07:00.000-08:00

There are two steps that one needs to accomplish to become a writer.

The first step is actually calling yourself a writer (out loud, and said to a real person—no imaginary friend counts), and as I discussed in my previous post, this is fraught with fear and trembling.

But once you get this painful right of passage out of the way, you can begin the second step. And this one is even harder because it’s a step that never ends: namely, you have to write.

Yes, I’m sorry to say that to be a writer, you have to write! And you have to do it pretty much every day. That’s what separates writers from idea-jotter-downers.

Now, in this post I’m not going to talk about the quality of what is written, and whether or not this could be labeled as “crap” (which, incidentally, most of it could probably be the poster child for crap). No, I’m just going to focus on what stops us from actually making our writer-butts sit down and come up with something intelligible. Not good, mind you, just real words on a page.

Really, there are tens of thousands of reasons not to write. But for the sake of brevity, and because all of those reasons can be boiled down to two things, I’m just going to list those two.

So, without further ado (to use a trite phrase that all good writers should avoid), here they are:

1. We don’t want to. I mean, we do, but we don’t. It’s the whole failure thing. What if what we write stinks more than a dumpster of dirty diapers? (Some of it will.) What if what we write has already been written and we’re not original? (Some of it has been, and we never are.) What if people laugh at us? (Someone is lined up for that job, don’t you worry.) What if…blah, blah, blah!

2. We’re too busy. We just have too much going on, right? I mean, someone has to organize the pots and pans in alphabetical order by brand name, dust the collection of thimbles given to us by our grandma, and search for that episode of that show we watched that one time that we think we liked! Those things don’t happen by themselves, do they? Of course not!

Well, there you have it. Yep, that’s it. And if you’re an astute reader, you will see the connection between one and two (for the less perceptive, here’s a hint: fear leads to procrastination).

Now, what are we going to do about it? I have few ideas, but I’ll save them for another post.

Poem 1, Rough Draft 1

2008-02-05T08:28:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I'm a day late...

I don't know what's going to be harder, posting a new poem every week, or not complaining about the quality of the poem.

Right now, I'm struggling with both aspects...

This was a poem a wrote in December that I've been trying to work with. But, before I show you what I've done with it, I thought I'd show you the original.

Ribbons

Before I knew
what competition
was, I knew I wanted to
best you. I wanted to win,
and run home to regale
my family with stories
of my conquests,
the details of
your defeat.

But, you, Lucy,
with hair ribbons
matching your dress
—hair cutely curled,
dress with pink butterflies—
your hand in the air,
answer on the tip of
your tongue. You
never gave me
a chance!

Yes, before I knew
what competition was,
I knew jealousy, and it
came wrapped in
pink butterflies.

My Mind--The Problem

2008-01-28T08:44:00.000-08:00

Here's the thing: it's week one, and I'm a failure...

I don't know how else to say it.

I've been trying to write a poem all week and all I have are bits and pieces of phrases that I like, but can't use.

And why can't I use them?

Because they have to do with God/religion. And so, for the purposes of my chapbook for grad. school, they are useless.

I hate having to conform to fit in. But, it's the truth. If I have poems that deal with God as a real "entity" (as my professor puts it), I will be hard pressed to be taken seriously as a poet, and it will be even harder to get into a graduate program.

I could write about god, but not God (if you understand what I mean). And for some reason, that's the only poetry coming out of me.

So, I have nothing new to post here, and I suck.

With that, here's an acrostic poem for your perusal. I wrote it last month.

Sacred space
Approaches my soul.
Covenants broken by sin,
Renewed by blood and body.
Anguish replaced by peace as
Minutes visit paradise, and
Eternity slips into spirit.
Now, I am whole.
The Lord is with me.

This is the kind of stuff that's coming out of me, and I'm going to have to figure out a way to break away from it (at least for the time being).

Any suggestions?

Re-Used Blog Post #1

2008-01-25T08:46:00.000-08:00

So I thought I would post on this blog the posts I write for the University's literary magazine blog. (Hmm, this is a confusing sentence. Sorry about that.)

I feel it's okay since a) I wrote it, b) It's about writing, and c) It kills two blogs with one stone.

Here it is:

What? Me? A Writer?

Last year, I became a novelist.

I say this with trepidation, because who am I to call myself that? Can one merely write words on a page, in some sort of order, for the required amount of pages, and then proceed to call oneself a novelist?

Well, I hope so!

That’s what I did when I participated in NaNoWriMo this past November. I sat down for 30 days, writing approximately 1667 words per day, and ended up with a little book of over 50,000 words. And presto chango, I’m a novelist, with a certificate, and everything!

Labeling myself a novelist is very hard for me; the same for calling myself a poet. In my mind, I’m just Liz, a woman who spends her free time trying to come up with the perfect metaphor for eating spaghetti, or the last line in a story about a Martian who hems drapes.

I’m certainly not a writer! Ugh, that’s the BIG word I avoid using to describe myself.

As I’ve been thinking about why I fear calling myself a novelist, poet, and/or writer, I’ve realized this avoidance stems from how I’ve defined these terms, a definition I began to forge somewhere between elementary school, and Satan’s armpit, or junior high.

In my mind, a writer (et al.) is someone who is a) super cool, b) super smart, c) super witty, d) dresses in black, e) has unkempt hair, f) wears really big glasses, and g) takes black and white pictures of themselves on an angle like he or she can’t be bothered to look at the camera.

I don’t possess any of these traits (well, maybe the crazy hair bit, but without the black and the glass, I just look unhygienic). And so you can see my problem: I’ve defined something that excludes myself. And I think we’ve all done this at some point.

Why do we do things like this? (And by “we,” I mean me.) Are we afraid of ridicule? Of failure? Of having to explain to our grandma that although international business communications would be a more lucrative career, we’d much rather live off Cup O’Noodles while we write our collection of sonnets dedicated to the musical stylings of REO Speedwagon? (Rock on, guys!)

The answer, of course, is unique to each of us. But, it’s one that we all have to face.

It’s taken me a long time to let the fear go, and to actually accept that I am a writer. I am a novelist. I am a poet. (FYI: Writing these last 12 words have, still, almost made me go into spastic fits.)

But, there you have it.

I’ll leave you with a quote from one of the great geniuses of the last century, Popeye the Sailor Man, “I Yam what I Yam.”

And I am whatever I define myself to be.

My First Post-The Goals

2008-01-24T09:45:00.000-08:00

I thought I would start out with a list of things I hope to accomplish with (and within) this blog. That way, my readers (Hi, readers!) will know what to expect when he/she comes here, and I’ll be able to remember why I started the whole dang thing.

So, with that, here’s what I’ve got (I’ll probably add to it as time goes on).

Goals for My Readers

1. Accountability. I need it. Desperately. Please hold me accountable! If I don’t follow the rules I’ve set for myself by posting, etc., please become a monkey on my back, screeching in my ear, and pounding me with bananas. Okay? I’ll even supply you with the bananas if you need them.

2. Feedback. You don’t need to be a literary-type person to help me. If you don’t understand a poem, or you think part of my story is confusing, let me know! It will help me hone my skills. And even if I don’t agree with your assessment, it will still give me valuable insight into how my writing is read.

With that being said, please be kind about it, though. I care about what you think! And I have no problem accepting criticism (I got a lot of it while I was in school, after all), but it still smarts when people think that something you’ve been working on for months is crap. So keep that in mind. It’s far more helpful to point out a line of poetry that doesn’t make sense than to say “Your poem is stupid, trite, and you are lame!”

3. Tips and Advice. Have you read any book or article that you’ve found helpful with your writing? Do you have any techniques for effective editing? Have you taken a class or been involved in a group that has been helpful? Pass that info along! Let me know about it. I can use all the help I can get!

Goals for Myself

1. Remain Positive. I will try my hardest to just post my stuff without disclaimers. You know, like “This one sucks.” or “Best of luck trying to figure out the last line.” or “Why do I bother?” I will post my piece and let it stand on its own.

2. Post Weekly. I will post a poem every Monday. Even though it will, BY NO MEANS, be complete. It normally takes me a few months (sometimes longer) to have a finished poem (even though I never feel like a poem is “finished”). It’s not about the end result here. It’s about using my creative mind, and giving myself pieces that I can work with in the future in order to build a chapbook to help me get into grad. school.

3. Tips and Updates. I will post any kind of helpful tips I come across, mention books I’m reading about the “craft” of writing, and I’ll also give updates to what I’m doing aside from the writing (e.g. classes I take, workshops I attend, writing groups I’m involved in, readings I go to, etc.).

Well, that’s all I have for now!

Thank you in advance for all the help you’re going to give me. I’ll be better for it!